Cari, Lelia Hilton, trailer, Christina Kann
Christina Kann 00:02
"He held up the envelope in which Mrs. Weasley's letter had come, and Harry had to fight down a laugh. Every bit of it was covered in stamps, except for a square inch on the front, into which Mrs. Weasley had squeezed the Dursleys' address in minute handwriting."
Christina Kann 00:37
What's up, Pott-heads? Welcome to The Restricted Section, a show in which a bunch of nerds with potty mouths reread the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time and discuss the way that the story in its themes have stayed with a generation into adulthood. Thank you so much for listening. If you haven't done the reading, don't worry. We did it for you. Here's what we're talking about today.
Christina Kann 00:57
Chapter Three: The Invitation. During breakfast one day, the text's extremely heavy-handed and deplorable fat-shaming is interrupted when Uncle Vernon gets some unusual mail. He brings Harry into the living room to share that Mrs. Weasley has sent a letter asking if Harry can join the Weasleys at the Quidditch World Cup. She has also included approximately 1 million stamps on the envelope because she doesn't know how Muggle mail works, okay? So Harry and Vernon go back and forth a little bit, and finally Harry uses his only leverage to get his way by threatening to write to Sirius Black who the Dursleys think is just an actual escaped guilty convicted murderer who is related to Harry. So yeah, so go Harry well done.
Christina Kann 01:43
Welcome to The Restricted Section, where using too many stamps is literally as bad as murder, you stinking witch! I am tickled pink to be joined today by my most euphonious friend Leila. Say hello to the listeners, Lelia.
Lelia Hilton 02:02
*singing* Hello to the listeners, Lelia.
Christina Kann 02:05
Oh my god, she knows what euphonious means.
Lelia Hilton 02:07
Christina Kann 02:09
I literally googled "word that means good at singing."
Lelia Hilton 02:13
I could have not known what it meant but I just sing everything -- but yeah, I knew what it meant.
Christina Kann 02:17
Well, it's also like euphoric plus like phonetic? Mmm -- moving on. And I am so delighted that our special guest this week is Cari, co-host of Curly Critics over on WBNE. Say hello to the listeners, Cari.
Hi. I'm so excited to be here. I also did not know what that word meant that you said.
Christina Kann 02:38
Yeah, I had no idea.
Christina Kann 02:41
Me neither. I had to Google a word good enough to describe Lelia.
Lelia Hilton 02:47
Please, do go on.
Christina Kann 02:50
So Cari, can you please tell the listeners what your podcast is all about?
Yeah, me and my best friend, Jade, have a podcast where we review things: books, movies, TV shows. Right now, we're going through the Harry Potter books.
Christina Kann 03:05
I was gonna say, they do cover some topics that you might be interested in, dear listener.
We're on book six right now, but our lives got really busy. So we're having to slow down. But that's the goal.
Christina Kann 03:16
Pacing yourself through the Harry Potter books is such a challenge.
Christina Kann 03:22
I mean, y'all like Harry Potter. That's why you're here. I definitely recommend following them on Twitter because they're tweeting some pretty choice Harry Potter takes right now.
I'm just full of them all the time.
Christina Kann 03:34
So what is your Harry Potter history? When did you start reading the books? When did you watch the movie? Like what's going on?
Yeah, so I wasn't allowed to read them growing up, but all of my friends were. So finally I convinced my mom to let me read them when I was like 12. And I read all seven of them in seven days.
Christina Kann 03:56
Oh my god. That's like how the world was created.
I watched the first movie after the first book. Like I finished the first book and then immediately watched the first movie. And then I was like, "I cannot do this again." I just spent the whole movie being like, these are the things that are different. So after I read all of them, I watched all the movies.
Christina Kann 04:14
Right. It's good to have closure on the book series so you can enjoy the films as a totally separate thing. Yeah, getting too into the film discourse is rough because in the end, no matter what your complaints are, I'm gonna watch them.
Christina Kann 04:32
I really enjoy them. But if we're gonna start taking notes, yes, I do have a pretty comprehensive list.
Lelia Hilton 04:40
I feel like, Tina, when the books came out, we were around the same age as the main characters. I don't know, Cari, I'm not sure how old you are. We don't have to talk about it. It's fine.
Much younger than you.
Christina Kann 04:55
I read the original trilogy when they first came out, and I was eight years old.
Lelia Hilton 05:00
Yeah. And I feel like when the movies came out, I was not thinking logically like, "I must finish every book." No, I was just like, I love thing. Thing comes out that I like. Let's watch thing related to thing.
Christina Kann 05:13
Lelia Hilton 05:14
I remember loving it. I was like, "They captured every detail."
Christina Kann 05:18
I do remember having great anxiety before every movie and coming out always generally relieved, you know? Generally like, "Okay, all right. No, that feels good. I feel good about that."
Lelia Hilton 05:29
Yeah, I think the only one I didn't feel that way about was the Order the Phoenix, obviously, but I didn't like the book that much either. Definitely Hallows Part -- Which one of the parts was better than the other?
Christina Kann 05:44
Okay, well, I'm gonna need some clarification on that.
Lelia Hilton 05:47
You cannot have it.
Christina Kann 05:50
So Cari, if you had to sort yourself, what Hogwarts house are you?
Christina Kann 05:57
Okay, we tend to get a lot of Ravenclaws on the show. Don't know why. I guess they like talking about books. What part of the whole Ravenclaw persona do you relate with?
I really love knowledge, love learning. I'm getting my master's right now, so I'm just like, all the school. I just love learning. And I don't like less is really like learning for the application use of it, which is more of a Slytherin thing, getting knowledge and then using it. I'm just like, I want to know things, which is why I think I'm more Ravenclaw than Slytherin.
Christina Kann 06:32
Yes, it's the pursuit of knowledge for knowledge's sake.
Christina Kann 06:37
That's beautiful. I love it. We could do with a little bit more of that perhaos in this book series. So this chapter, what are we doing? It is chapter three of Goblet of Fire, The Invitation. I know I've said this in last week's episode, but it really is so bananas how stupid these first couple of chapters are, considering some of the chapters that happen later in this book that are just so dense.
Lelia Hilton 07:05
So dense. Yeah, I just finished rereading this actually on Sunday. It took me a long time to get through, which was surprising to me, because I feel like as a kid I ripped right through it.
Christina Kann 07:17
It is 735 pages.
Lelia Hilton 07:19
Yeah, but but Cari read it in a day.
No, I cannot do that now. It took me like two weeks to read Goblet of Fire and Order the Phoenix when I did them recently. And I was just like, "How did I do this as a child?"
Lelia Hilton 07:33
How did we? Because I just ripped right through it as well.
Christina Kann 07:36
I am totally with you. I used to read them in like a day. I think part of it is just like a genuine -- not just not having responsibilities as a child, but even furthermore, knowing that there's no weight of the world on you. There's no "I could be doing dishes." It's like, "I am eight years old. And I just all I have to do is read right now."
Lelia Hilton 08:02
Yeah, there's nothing else. You have no other responsibilities.
Christina Kann 08:06
Because honestly, I have been able to read a lot better recently than ever before. And it's because I have the kind of job where you just kind of hang out. And so it takes me kind of back to the good old days where I'm like, "Wow, there's actually kind of nothing else I could be doing right now. Like I'm not home. I can't be doing dishes. I'll just read 400 pages of Harry Potter."
Wow, I want that job.
Christina Kann 08:32
I mean, a Ravenclaw wouldn't be happy in this job for sure. It is not intellectually stimulating. But I have a good time. So it is morning time at the Dursleys' house. We get some pretty strong fat-shaming about Dudley like right away. It's not subtle. I think it's pretty uncomfortable. What do you guys think?
Oh, I don't like it.
Lelia Hilton 09:00
Yeah, it's never been something that I appreciated. I think I thought maybe thought it was funny as a kid the first time she made a fat joke, like maybe the first time.
Christina Kann 09:11
Lelia Hilton 09:11
But then she doesn't -- like she just can't -- Honestly, try to find one sentence about them that doesn't have some kind of fat or hog-shaped or whatever.
Christina Kann 09:22
Lelia Hilton 09:22
There's not one there are other qualities and people even if they're despicable, you know?
Yeah. In this, it goes on for like two, three pages of just talking about how fat Dudley is.
Lelia Hilton 09:32
How fat is he?
Christina Kann 09:34
Yeah, on a narrative level, almost every time she mentions Dudley, she mentions how fat he is. But then also, the plot right now, this chapter, starts with us talking about how he's on a diet.
Lelia Hilton 09:48
A diet, yeah.
Christina Kann 09:49
Because his school nurse has raised concerns, which is super valid, but it's a health concern. Like, I can't imagine a writer making jokes to this extent about hypertension, or diabetes, or some other chronic health concern.
Just the diet itself makes me uncomfortable. This kid is so used to eating so much food and you're giving him like a quarter of a grapefruit. That's not enough food to sustain somebody.
Christina Kann 10:17
It's definitely not enough food. And then also, from what I understand from nutritional science, totally depriving yourself of stuff just make stronger cravings cuz it's like, "Wow, I get nothing now."
Lelia Hilton 10:31
I don't think that's how diets work. I think we can all -- we all have kind of -- at least I've definitely been up and down the road with diets.
Christina Kann 10:38
Wow. Same. That's exactly how I would describe it.
Lelia Hilton 10:40
What is it -- What did Golden Girls? -- *singing* Goin' down the road and back again. */singing* With diets.
Christina Kann 10:48
Lelia Hilton 10:49
Oh, my God. Thank you. Thank "eu." E U.
Christina Kann 10:55
Thank you, phony.
Lelia Hilton 10:56
Thank you, phony. Us! Okay. Oh, God. Okay, I did diets before, but one thing that you never do, you always think like, "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna wake up tomorrow, and I'm gonna make myself for breakfast a smoothie." And you're like, "That goes really good." You're like, "I like smoothies. This is yummy." Lunch. "I'm gonna have a kale salad with chicken on it. Okay, like I meal prepped this, I can handle it." And then dinner comes, and you're like, "I'll have chicken and brown rice." And you're like, "I just absolutely will not do that." Or if you do that, you end up -- I would end up eating like a full two sleeves of Oreos.
Christina Kann 11:40
Like, it's fine, because I had this healthy dinner. Yeah, for sure. It's really just the way that this woman correlates the fatness with -- it's like so obviously supposed to be painting him as a bad person.
Lelia Hilton 11:58
Yeah, it's like fat is bad.
Christina Kann 12:00
Yeah. And it's like, he can be a really shitty person and fat in a way that is like, not related.
Lelia Hilton 12:08
Yeah. And I don't know if it's just HER?? I listened to last week's episode. Or if it's like a thing in England, like if body conscious stuff and maybe like curve culture and stuff like that was never . . . I don't know. I just feel like it's really a lot. It's just so much to correlate, like "This is an evil family and look how fucking fat they are." That's like, kind of the tone I get from her. I don't know. I guess we're supposed to hate them.
Christina Kann 12:46
Yeah, it kind of feels just so old-school to me, the way that old-timey like superstitions are like "Oh, well God's cursing them with fatness for being evil."
Lelia Hilton 12:59
Yeah. Oh, man.
Christina Kann 13:04
For some reason in my notes I wrote several specific quotes that I simply will not read, but they all end with WTF in all capitals. So everyone in the family has to be on the same diet as Dudley. So everyone gets -- this is so ridiculous -- a grapefruit quarter per person. Like at least let everyone have their own grapefruit. Come on.
Lelia Hilton 13:30
Yeah, it's a fruit. It's not even sweet fruit.
Christina Kann 13:33
It's like not even good fruit. It's like the punishment fruit. Do you guys like grapefruit?
Lelia Hilton 13:39
Lelia Hilton 13:40
I like grapefruit flavored things.
Christina Kann 13:42
Yeah, me too! Oh my god. The pamplemousse La Croix is my favorite.
Lelia Hilton 13:46
I do love me some pample.
Christina Kann 13:48
Or like a pomona.
Lelia Hilton 13:49
Ooh, what's that? I've had that before.
Christina Kann 13:51
It's a margarita but with grapefruit juice.
Lelia Hilton 13:54
Yeah, I love those.
Christina Kann 13:56
Oh, yeah. Wow, I forgot to confess that I broke the cardinal sin of The Restricted Section and I drank margaritas before recording. We've run into trouble with that before, but I think I'm holding it together pretty well.
Lelia Hilton 14:10
Where did you go? Did you go to that awesome little restaurant that's near you?
Christina Kann 14:15
Lelia Hilton 14:18
Oh, that's a different one. Like Pancho Villa?
Christina Kann 14:20
Are you talking about a little Mexico?
Lelia Hilton 14:23
Christina Kann 14:24
There's a lot of Mexican restaurants. Are you talking about the Annex?
Lelia Hilton 14:27
Christina Kann 14:30
Then I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Lelia Hilton 14:31
It's like one that you that makes good margs and you and Haley go all the time.
Christina Kann 14:35
Um, Little Mexico?
Lelia Hilton 14:36
Christina Kann 14:37
This is not great content. Our listeners mostly don't live here. Cari definitely doesn't live here. That'd be surprising.
Lelia Hilton 14:44
Christina Kann 14:46
Um, yeah. Wow. So Harry is a skinny kid. So his privilege as a skinny kid is that he has a whole stash of sweets upstairs that he got his friends to send him, and he just gets to eat it all. Because he's skinny, and he's the good guy.
Lelia Hilton 15:02
Lelia Hilton 15:04
And he's a most unusual boy!
Christina Kann 15:13
I just feel like it's all an extension of the setup from the last episode. But finally we're about to get to the action because the doorbell rings.
Christina Kann 15:26
Yay indeed. Uncle Vernon answers it, and it's the mailman being like, "Dude, look at this funny letter. Remember, three years ago, when those letters were like attacking you? And like there was owls sending them through your chimney and they were rolled up in the egg cartons or whatever?" Just kidding. The mailman probably didn't know about that. But I do feel like Vernon has mail trauma.
Lelia Hilton 15:52
Oh, for sure.
I feel like the Dursleys are so like, "We have to make sure that we look properly and we don't say the wrong thing." But I feel like none of their neighbors care.
Christina Kann 16:01
Like, the craziest things could happen. And then the Dursleys would just be like, "Oh, no, people are gonna find out!" And their neighbors are just like, "Oh. Okay. Owls."
Christina Kann 16:12
It has literally never occurred to me before that the neighbors might not care.
Lelia Hilton 16:17
Me neither. I'm like "They must because the Dursleys are so concerned."
Christina Kann 16:21
Yeah, yes, exactly. Like, wow, that's my new headcanon, that they're just surrounded by like college students and like, no one gives a shit.
Lelia Hilton 16:30
They're just whatever, man.
Christina Kann 16:33
Wow, that would be very funny. Um, okay, so Uncle Vernon is grumpy now, because of the mail, and he takes Harry into the living room. He reads this letter to Harry. And it's Mrs. Weasley writing to Uncle Vernon very politely to ask if Harry can come visit them and go to the Quidditch World Cup. A couple of things: I probably would have written earlier in the summer. Because it's just like a week away. Right? Or no, it's like, a day away.
Yeah, day away.
Christina Kann 17:13
She has no idea how long Muggle mail takes. Um, so yeah, I probably would have started at the beginning of the summer asking permission, believing that it would have taken some convincing, you know?
Lelia Hilton 17:28
I mean, they're gonna come anyway. So.
Lelia Hilton 17:31
Yeah, well, I don't think there's anything that they could have done to make the Dursleys be like, "You know what? He does deserve this. She said it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Like, heck, let's get little Harry go." Like, that's just not happening.
Christina Kann 17:50
It's very cute. Um, the letter is absolutely covered in stamps. She had to go to the Muggle post office to mail this anyway. Why not just go into the postmaster of Ottery St. Catchpole and ask how to put a stamp on a letter?
Christina Kann 17:54
At the end of the letter, she says "I do hope we've put enough stamps on," and like, she did.
Lelia Hilton 18:00
It's pretty cute.
She spends so much money on stamps. Stamps aren't cheap!
Christina Kann 18:24
Wow, I wonder how many stamps like that would be. probably like 30 stamps... times.... How much do stamps costs? Wait, I'm gonna refer to my stamps. Um, my stamps, just say "forever." Okay, that's useless, dammit. If only there was a math person here. Oh, well, moving on.
Lelia Hilton 18:46
It's funny because they did it to like, be -- they're like, "We must be inconspicuous!" You know? Like, "If I went in there and ask the postmaster, what's his face, how does one apply a stamp?" She was like, "They're going to know! They're gonna know something's off with us. They're gonna find my family." She has a lot at stake. So she's like, "Let's just like -- we know stamps are involved somehow. Let's just cover the sucker. Then the no one will think anything's out of the out of the ordinary."
If anything, she just made a lot of people's days because everybody who held that letter was like, "Wow, this is funny."
Lelia Hilton 19:26
Christina Kann 19:28
I have mailed things to our friends like Mats in Norway, and I feel like Molly Weasley when I'm stamping up those envelopes. I'm like, "Okay, this needs like $5 of stamps to get to Norway." That is very valid that Molly, I'm sure, wants to stay on the DL. But for what it's worth, Molly, my boss asked me literally last week how to prepare an envelope to be mailed. He genuinely had no idea; it was very endearing and ridiculous. Okay, so there's like considerable back and forth between Harry and Vernon. Harry is full sass.
I love that for him.
Lelia Hilton 20:16
Yes, me too.
Christina Kann 20:20
Honestly, Daniel Radcliffe made Harry too... uh...
Lelia Hilton 20:26
Christina Kann 20:28
I was gonna say "placid," right? What does mean?
Lelia Hilton 20:31
Christina Kann 20:32
No! Not flacid! Define placid -- with a p! It means "not easily upset or excited." Yes, it's the word I was looking for. He's just very milquetoast in the films. But little Harry's so sassy in these books.
Lelia Hilton 20:54
Christina Kann 20:55
And finally he uses Sirius Black as a threat. So Vernon gives him permission, because he's like, "You have a convict godfather. And that is alarming to me."
Lelia Hilton 21:10
I mean, at least he has something he can use to get basic necessities or not be killed.
I feel like nothing makes Sirius happier than knowing that he's being used as blackmail against Harry's aunt and uncle. Molly's letter talks about like, "I'm sure Harry's told you about this." Does she just not know that Harry has a horrible home life with the Dursleys? Like I feel like she should know that.
Lelia Hilton 21:41
Does he ever get into it with them? I can tell by her behavior -- well, no, that's because of what happens later in this chapter. No. I mean, I feel like Harry hasn't said anything.
But in Chamber of Secrets, they literally came and rescued him. So Ron at least knows what's going on.
Christina Kann 21:57
I think Ron knows what's going on. I think he probably doesn't realize this is textbook abuse and other adults should be intervening, because Ron is a little dense. So I feel like Molly has only gathered some of it, but also, she's not in a good position to do anything other than wait for something bad to happen. You know what I mean?
Lelia Hilton 22:22
Christina Kann 22:23
It's a bad position to be in. And honestly, if I were in Molly Weasley's position, I would probably misbehave more about it. If a child that I loved was getting abused, I'd go murder somebody.
Or at least break him out every summer.
Lelia Hilton 22:39
Yeah, be like "We know you hate him. We invite Harry to stay with us every summer."
Christina Kann 22:45
Here's the thing: Dumbledore insists that for the love magic, okay to like, carry on--
I hate it.
Christina Kann 22:54
Yeah. Harry has to go home every summer. He has to go be with blood every summer.
Yeah but for how long?
Christina Kann 23:04
Exactly! "Can I just shake her hand and be on my way?" like, Why does he have to be there all summer?
But then he doesn't. Later on, he's there for like two weeks and then he leaves.
Christina Kann 23:17
Yes! Why isn't there some alternative? But it's like, "Oh, we just have to trust Dumbledore because he said this is how it has to go."
Never trust Dumbledore.
Christina Kann 23:32
Absolutely not. I was out of town at a wedding this last weekend, so I was staying at a hotel, and I got cable for the first time in like five years. Obviously, they were doing a Harry Potter marathon, because that's what cable does.
Lelia Hilton 23:49
Christina Kann 23:50
And I was getting ready for this wedding, so I was watching it so half-assedly. And it was books six and seven. And it was so dramatic, so intense. Sean -- bless his heart -- my husband, Sean, was asking me these questions. And I was like, "I certainly don't have the time to get into this right now." He was being like, "Wait, but Snape is really a bad guy. Right? And they they didn't know all along?" And I'm like, "I can't even begin to engage in this philosophical discussion with you. I'm curling my hair."
It depends on how you define a "bad guy."
Christina Kann 24:31
Exactly. That's exactly why I don't casually watch movies six through eight. I either have to watch them the way that I watch Hamilton, with like, my entire soul. Or not at all. I can't just be casually watching the later movies.
Lelia Hilton 24:54
Well, yeah, they're so heavy. I remember I was at the beach with my family. I was at the Outer Banks with my family one year when Deathly Hallows Part One came out. I went to go see that with my cousin who's five years younger than me, and she was like "You guys are so into this Harry Potter! Maybe I'll start!" And she started with Deathly Hallows Part 1. For whatever reason I was like, "Hell yeah! You'll love it!" and on the way there I'm like, "So this is what happens until then."
Christina Kann 25:29
Oh my god! That is simply not the recommended path.
Lelia Hilton 25:32
No. She was like, "Are you crying?" I was like "Yes!"
Christina Kann 25:38
You reminded me -- this is not entirely related -- but you reminded me that I have this traumatic memory of also watching a movie with family at the Outer Banks. I have a pretty lame uncle, and he was like pretty drunk at the Outer Banks while we were watching Catching Fire. It might have been the first time I had ever seen it, or maybe it was my first time since it had been in theaters, but I was very engaged and watching it so intensely, and the whole room was just quiet and watching Catching Fire. Except for my drunk-ass uncle kept being like, "Wait, wait, wait, is that Jennifer Lawrence?" He asked it like 15 times out the movie. "Wait, wait, wait, who? Wait, what is she doing?" Through the whole movie! "Can you just yeah, go drink your Red Stripes somewhere else?"
Christina Kann 26:31
Okay. Wow, where even Where are we? Harry is like skipping happily up to his room. Hedwig is back. She wasn't there in the last chapter. The last chapter had absolutely nothing going on in it, including Hedwig wasn't even there. Pig--Pigwidgeon -- Ooh, I've never said that one a lot before. Pidwidgeon?
That sounds right.
Lelia Hilton 26:59
Yeah. Because they call him Pig, right?
Christina Kann 27:01
Yeah, Pig. That's a really cute name for like a tiny little owl.
Lelia Hilton 27:05
Christina Kann 27:07
A cat named Pig would be really cute.
Lelia Hilton 27:11
But it would have to be a skinny cat because if it was fat then that you would just be like HER??
It would be an evil cat.
Christina Kann 27:23
My adorable chubby cat Penny, I think, would be an adorable Pig.
Lelia Hilton 27:27
She would. She's not like chonk.
Christina Kann 27:30
She's not morbidly obese, but she's definitely a lump if I've ever seen one.
Christina Kann 27:36
Yeah, a little potate.
Christina Kann 27:37
Yeah, a potate. A tater tot. So Pigwidgeon is there with a follow up letter from Ron. I really think they waited a week for a response and they didn't hear one because they hadn't even gotten the letter yet because Muggle mail is slow. So I think he was like, "Well, it's been a while. I might as well send a follow up letter."
But the letter also makes it seem like he wrote that as soon as they got the tickets.
Christina Kann 28:04
Oh, yeah, no, you're right.
I read it and I was like, "How fast is the Muggle mail?" Or maybe it's just how slow Pig is.
Christina Kann 28:13
He tries so hard. I love him. He's one of my favorite characters, I think. I just love people who try so hard. But they're in the country. I feel like Muggle mail couldn't go that fast.
Lelia Hilton 28:28
Yeah, no, absolutely not. That was a little bit of a bloop. A little bit of a blooper. Bloop her.
Christina Kann 28:39
That one was rough, but I laughed heartily at it, so I guess it was good.
Lelia Hilton 28:44
Christina Kann 28:45
So Ron makes it clear that they're planning to come get Harry on Sunday no matter what.
Christina Kann 28:56
There's not a lot going on in this chapter. I'm trying to stretch it out. Well, so this is kidnapped. This is like a planned kidnap.
Is it kidnapping if Harry goes willingly?
Christina Kann 29:10
I think technically yes if his guardians say no.
Well, they said yes. So it's fine.
Christina Kann 29:16
Yes, indeed. It's silly that they don't even mention how they're going to come get him. And also Harry doesn't wonder how they're going to come get them.
Lelia Hilton 29:29
Oh, sorry. I accidentally started reading it again.
Is this the one where they come through the fireplace in the next chapter? That would have been important to know. You probably should have mentioned that.
Christina Kann 29:42
I guess they just like can't fathom a home without an actual ongoing fire in the hearth at all times in case Amos Diggory needs to drop by to talk about Mad-Eye Moody or whatever.
Lelia Hilton 29:55
The Floo Network feels like such a invasion of privacy all the time.
Lelia Hilton 30:00
Yeah, that's fucked up.
It's not like somebody's knocking at your door. They just show up.
Christina Kann 30:06
Yeah, I wonder if there's any security in the Floo Network, if there's anything to be done if you don't wish for visitors. Or can you like block someone?
Lelia Hilton 30:19
I think you would just have to block everyone or have it open for everyone. I think those are your only two options.
So don't make any enemies.
Lelia Hilton 30:28
Yeah, not even one.
Or just don't have friends, if you have an enemy.
Christina Kann 30:35
It just would be such a nightmare in the Weasley household, for example, because they would need to have it on because he has a ministry job. And they have a lot of things going on. They would need to always let people come in. But there's so much going on that someone could just straight come into your home and it might be that no one notices, you know?
Lelia Hilton 30:54
That's the real reason Harry has to stay at the Dursleys', because they don't have working Floo Network, so Voldemort just can't come in and kill Harry in his home.
Christina Kann 31:06
Oh my god. Wait a goddamn second. I mean, like what, in later books, prevents Voldemort from just stepping into the Floo Network and stepping out in your living room and murdering you? And then stepping back into the fireplace? I'm so confused!
Lelia Hilton 31:24
That's a pretty big -- that's a pretty big hole there.
Christina Kann 31:28
Wow. Wow, what do I even do with this information? Voldemort, I got a plan for you. Okay, great. So Ron's like "Yeah, we're coming to get you. Don't even worry about it. Hermione is coming and I invited her first, it's no big deal. Don't read into that." Hermione spends a lot of time at the Weasleys' considering that she is an only child who got like swept away into this world of like magic. I feel like my parents never would have permitted that.
No, not for that amount of time. You don't see her for the entire year, and then she comes home for like two weeks in the summer, and then is like, "I have to go again." And she's lying to them because there's no way she's actually telling them what's happening.
Lelia Hilton 32:21
Yeah. How does that work with Hermione's parents? Do they know she's a wizard? A witch? Sorry.
Christina Kann 32:29
Yes, they do. They I mean, I think you need parental consent -- god, I hope so. But also, we saw her parents in Diagon Alley in Prisoner of Azkaban.
Lelia Hilton 32:41
Christina Kann 32:41
So they definitely know. I think that Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, possibly wined and dined Mr. and Mrs. Granger, and were like, "Hey, our kids are friends. I know this must be hard for you. We're here to answer any questions." I like to think that there's a friendship there that we just don't get to see.
That would be nicer than Hermione doesn't tell them anything that happens at school and just comes up with excuses every summer to leave.
Christina Kann 33:08
Although, there's no way she's telling the truth, because then she'd have to come home and be like, "Oh, yeah, my friend Harry almost died because Voldemort was growing on the back of this guy's head."
Christina Kann 33:19
Oh, THAT truth. Surely she doesn't tell them all that. "Wow, all of my teachers are trying to kill everybody. There was a werewolf."
"I spent like two months petrified."
Lelia Hilton 33:33
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Christina Kann 33:35
Wow, I actually completely forgot about that. And we talked about that a lot at the time, when we covered it on the pod, like, the parents aren't being informed. What if someone else has mandrake potion? Just ready? and we don't even have to wait for the mandrakes to grow?
Lelia Hilton 33:57
Like someone in the ministry.
Christina Kann 33:58
Yeah. Like literally anyone. Maybe they grow in the wild. Whatever. Okay, we can't do this.
Lelia Hilton 34:05
We're past that book.
Christina Kann 34:06
We're reading Ron's letter. Basically, the only other thing Ron says is that Percy has started a job with the Ministry of Magic. And Ron is like, "Please literally don't even mention it because I cannot stand to hear him speak of it."
Lelia Hilton 34:21
Yeah, they're so mean to Percy.
Christina Kann 34:24
Percy is a gigantic prick.
Lelia Hilton 34:27
Yeah, I know.
But they don't help the situation. It was almost inevitable with how they treat him.
Lelia Hilton 34:33
Exactly. How is he not supposed to act like what they project him to be?
He's also the only sibling to not have a partner.
Lelia Hilton 34:41
Yeah, it's so sad.
So he's just like on his own.
Lelia Hilton 34:45
Well, Ginny. Well, she's a girl, so she doesn't count.
But Ginny and Ron are close enough in age that they can hang out together.
Lelia Hilton 34:53
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
Christina Kann 34:56
Yeah. Aw, that is a little tragic. But also, be a better friend and maybe you'll have better friends. Whatever happened to Penelope Clearwater? Percy and Penelope Clearwater is like a thing in Chamber of Secrets right because Ginny saw the making out or whatever.
*suggestively* Or whatever.
Christina Kann 35:21
And then in Prisoner of Azkaban, we were wondering on the pod, did he dump Penelope Clearwater so he can focus on being Head Boy and getting all his NEWTs or whatever? But she popped up again. But I think in this book, finally, he has fully ditched her to pursue his career because we don't hear about her again.
Poor Penelope. Maybe she ditched him.
Christina Kann 35:49
Wow, I wonder if Harry Potter dot wiki dot whatever has a career listed for her? Oh my god, I read this wrong. Oh my god. I'm skimming through Penelope Clearwaters' page, and I read it wrong. It says, "Sadly, she did not end up marrying her Hogwarts boyfriend, as Percy eventually married a woman named Audrey and had two children with her." But I read it as "Penelope did not end up marrying Percy because she eventually married a woman named Audrey and had two children with her," and I was like WHAT? RIP, that did not happen. It doesn't have a career listed for her. Oh, well. She surely ditched him.
Lelia Hilton 35:50
I feel like that's more likely.
She's very successful.
Lelia Hilton 36:40
Christina Kann 36:42
Like many a high school relationship ends, she probably was like, "You should grow up a little bit. Call me later when that happens." I think that some of these characters are so serviced by the films. Obviously we've talked at length about how Snape is like -- Alan Rickman does so much for that character. But some characters, the films -- kind of like we were talking about with Harry -- it takes some layers away. And I think Percy was one of those people that the films turned into just like a straight-up caricature. He has next to no lines. He pretty much only matters in the first movie because he's like "First years, this way!" or whatever. And he has such an arc in the books. I wish we could see more of Percy. You know what I want? I want to see Percy hanging out with Bill and Charlie and no one else. Like what is going on there? Because when they go to the Quidditch World Cup, the kids and Arthur go ahead, and Percy, Bill, and Charlie can Apparate so they come later. And what are they talking about while they're hanging out the three of them?
I feel like Percy would be really quiet around them. Because Bill and Charlie are big personality, really cool guys, and then there's Percy.
Christina Kann 38:09
I feel like they're nice to him but maybe a lot for him.
Lelia Hilton 38:15
Or he is a lot for them.
Christina Kann 38:22
I totally agree. I don't think he would act the same way when these two people, I think, more than anyone, see you exactly for what you are. I don't think there's nearly as much bragging and grandiose -- Percy the Prefect. So anyway, he works at the Ministry. Don't mention it. Harry sends his little RSVP back to Ron. And he adds a little addendum to his letter to Sirius Black. He's like, "If you want to contact me, I'll be at Ron's house." Not that -- I mean, these magical birds can find Sirius just like vaguely south, so I'm sure they can find Harry at Ron's house.
I've always wondered about that. How the birds know where to go.
Christina Kann 39:13
I don't know.
Lelia Hilton 39:13
Yeah, I know. Well, even in real life, like how the fuck do carrier pigeons work? What kind of sorcery is that? How big can their brains even be?
Christina Kann 39:25
I don't know. Maybe it's like their number one imperative, you know?
Lelia Hilton 39:29
Yeah, it is crazy -- you already talked about in the last chapter -- that Sirius sent Harry's letter with a tropical bird. Which to me implies that he just like found a nearby bird and was like, "Go! Fly this to my godson!" And the bird is like a *squawk* and like did it.
Christina Kann 39:56
Let's say he's in Brazil. Does he go to a Brazilian wizarding village and seek out a post office? A magical post office? Or does he just like go into the woods and try to convince this toucan--
Do all birds have the ability to carry these letters? Or is it just like magical birds?
Christina Kann 40:23
Or birds of a certain size and intelligence. Not a parakeet, but like, a flamingo? Sure.
Lelia Hilton 40:31
The flamingo -- they did to kind of describe it like a flamingo, right?
Christina Kann 40:35
Lelia Hilton 40:35
That's crazy to me. That is not what I would have thought by "tropical bird."
Christina Kann 40:39
They're not like a good flyer, are they?
I didn't even realize flamingos could fly.
Lelia Hilton 40:45
How funny would it be if they were flightless birds?
I think -- Wait, okay. This is the third time we've had to Google something. Are flamingoes flightless? No. The answer is no, they can fly. I watched a lot of nature documentaries and I've never seen a flamingo fly in those. I've only seen them walk back and forth in the little swamp like idiots. So I'll believe flamingos can fly when I see it.
Lelia Hilton 41:20
So Hedwig is like, "Bye, I know exactly where Sirius Black is. I got this. Don't even worry about it." Didn't she just get there? Hedwig like just rolled up after like days of being missing I think. And then he's like, "Okay, bitch, go."
Lelia Hilton 41:48
To a long journey.
Christina Kann 41:50
Yeah, let her chill overnight or whatever.
Lelia Hilton 41:53
There's no time.
Christina Kann 41:54
There's no time. So then Harry eat some cake. And is like, "I'm a luck, luck, lucky boy." And that's how the chapter ends. Lelia, what was your favorite part of this chapter?
Lelia Hilton 42:10
I thought Mrs. Weasley's letter was very sweet and cute. I loved the bit with the stamps all over it. I thought that was quite delightful. I was like, "Aw, more magic versus Muggle mishaps." We love to see it. Yeah, that's really what stood out to me. What about you, Cari?
I liked when Harry gets the permission to go, and he like walks up to Dudley and he's like, "That was an excellent breakfast, wasn't it?" I love it when Harry sasses Dudley.
Lelia Hilton 42:43
Because Dudley has no brain cells, so he can't even come up with a comeback.
Christina Kann 42:48
Yes. There's that legendary moment -- Oh, man. I forgot the joke though -- I always get myself into these situation. When he's like, something about practicing swirlies on Harry, and then Harry's like, "I'm not sure the toilet has ever had anything as gross as your head in it," or whatever. That's the thing, Harry can be sassy to Dudley and we can come to hate him through that lens rather than you're describing him as a disgusting person.
Lelia Hilton 43:18
Yeah, we can hate him because he's cruel and mean and dumb, versus he's all of those things because he's fat. Almost it kind of seems like that.
Christina Kann 43:31
It just seems like she ran out of descriptors for the Dursleys. And it's just like, "I'll just keep using this whale analogy." And the fact that Vernon Dursley's least face is purple over and over again.
Lelia Hilton 43:43
His "piggy eyes." What the fuck are "piggy eyes"?
Christina Kann 43:46
Luckily, that's something that gets kind of lost in translation in the films because they cast -- I mean, no child -- I've never seen a child in my life that is wider than he is tall, which is how they describe him.
Lelia Hilton 44:00
That's a cartoon character.
Christina Kann 44:01
Yeah, so they had to get a regular, normal-sized boy to play him and I'm glad for that. He's shitty just because he shitty in the movies.
Lelia Hilton 44:11
Yeah, I feel like I've seen that actor in other things recently, and I'm like, "Dudley, what you doing?"
Christina Kann 44:16
He's making a comeback. He's been in some cool shit. He was in The Old Guard. That was such a good movie.
Lelia Hilton 44:21
Christina Kann 44:22
Well, and also The Queen's Gambit.
Lelia Hilton 44:27
That's what I saw him in. Right, right.
Christina Kann 44:29
I mean, he's great. He's great now that he's -- you know, every child actor has to kind of like break free of that role. That one defining role.
Lelia Hilton 44:40
Yeah, some are unable to or you know, may grow up and find that they're not talented. *coughing* EMMA *coughing* But, um, you know, that's just one man's opinion.
Christina Kann 44:52
My favorite part of this chapter was probably reading Ron's letter because I really love Ron. Every time I read the series, I'm like, "Oh, yeah, Ron is great!" And I get really defensive of him because the films do him so dirty. Just imagine Ron. Imagine the kinds of things he's interested in. Imagine him trying to sit down and do homework. But then, imagine him sitting down and lovingly writing a letter to Harry. It makes me so happy. And he's such a little cutie, and his little letter is so cute.
Lelia Hilton 45:29
Yeah, their friendship is developed so nicely, all three of them. Well, not Hermione really. But Harry and Ron are developed so nicely in the books. And they do just kind of make him seem like the joke, I feel like -- like the punch line, a little bit in the movies.
Christina Kann 45:45
Brooke recently shared in our Discord server a really excellent video that broke down -- I mean, I think we all can agree that Ron was done dirty in the movies. But it's such a big issue that it's hard to get into it further than that. They just failed him at every turn. So this video took the time to really break down all the different ways in which the writers insisted on serving the narrative rather than his character. I'll put a link to that in the show notes because it was great. I never watch videos. I hate being shown videos. Don't send them to me. And this was a 35-minute-long YouTube video, but I just watched it, and I was there for every moment of it. #justiceforRon. Okay, cool. Any last thoughts about this chapter before we wrap it on up?
Christina Kann 46:18
I thought the description of Harry's clothes, that were Dudley's clothes -- I had never realized before how big they were on him.
Lelia Hilton 46:50
It had to be folded up five times.
A sweatshirt went all the way down past his knees.
Christina Kann 46:56
That is like so ridiculous to even imagine.
Can't you shrink those with magic? Harry can't because he is underage, but when he goes to the Burrow, can't he be like, "Hey, can you make these fit?"
Christina Kann 47:12
Wow. Yes. And probably Molly Weasley is the kind of person who would just do it for him without -- "Sweetie, come over here. We're gonna fix your clothes. Okay?" Yeah, these little details are cute, but then they never get brought up again. And it's like, "Wait, this doesn't actually track in the greater narrative.
Did you realize that you made a magical system where you can do anything with magic?
Christina Kann 47:36
Exactly. That's why, in our last episode, we were wondering whether or not Sirius Black had a wand at this point. If he has a wand when he's in hiding. Later in the books, he comes back from south from Brazil, and it's not clear if he has a wand. But he is super hungry and desperate and raggedy looking. And he definitely, I think, could have done better with a wand.
Lelia Hilton 48:07
Like, why are you starving on the streets, bro?
Well, even if you had a wand, you can't like transfigure your food. So he would have to steal it.
Christina Kann 48:17
You can like -- what's the word? -- like multiply it? They do it in Deathly Hallows a little bit.
Christina Kann 48:24
So he could like multiply one family's meal, and it's like fine. They get less nutrition in their meal or whatever, for this meal alone. But I get to eat, you know? I think he could have been more creative and done more things if he had a wand.
Christina Kann 48:40
But maybe the only way to get a toucan to deliver -- I mean a flamingo. Flamingo, right, is what we decided?
Lelia Hilton 48:48
Christina Kann 48:49
Is to have a wand and like magic them.
Also, how did he get to wherever he was? Brazil or whatever.
Lelia Hilton 48:59
Yeah, I was thinking that too.
Did he swim?
Christina Kann 49:01
No, he took Buckbeak! Over the ocean!
Lelia Hilton 49:05
That's kind of nuts.
Christina Kann 49:07
I mean, surely, surely, he must have gone up through Greenland and down the coast. There's no way he just sailed straight over the Atlantic. Is there?
I don't think so.
Christina Kann 49:21
We don't know how fast hippogriff can go, I guess.
Lelia Hilton 49:25
Yeah, but that's insane. Like over an ocean? Your bird cannot stop to eat or drink or stop flying.
Christina Kann 49:36
You just gotta like piss off the side of the hippogriff into the ocean.
Lelia Hilton 49:40
It would hit you in the face.
Christina Kann 49:45
Okay, all right, I'm wrapping it up. Let's move on to some plugs. I would love to start our little plug session by plugging our Patreon. This month's bonus episode just dropped this past Saturday, and it covered My Immortal, the legendary Harry Potter fan fiction. That episode was extremely good. I recommend it with my whole heart. So please check out our Patreon, which is linked in the show notes. Cari, where can people find you on the internet?
You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @carissazwerg. You can find me on TikTok @carizwerg. You can check out my podcast, Curly Critics Pod, on all the socials.
Christina Kann 50:37
Hell yeah, I love their show so much. Obviously, I love all of our WBNE -- I call you guys cousins, you know? Like we're doing the same thing, just next to each other. Yeah, Curly Critics is covering Harry Potter right now, and it's such a good time. So I highly recommend it. Do you have something you've been watching, reading, listening to, whatever lately that you think that listeners of our podcast would enjoy?
Yeah, I want to plug the show Lucifer on Netflix. It's a crime show where the devil comes to LA and befriends a detective and they solve crimes together, and then heavenly shenanigans ensue.
Christina Kann 51:21
Lelia Hilton 51:23
That's like, um, what's the David Tenant show?
Christina Kann 51:25
Lelia Hilton 51:26
Yeah, Good Omens.
Christina Kann 51:29
Heavenly shenanigans. Put that on my tombstone.
The last season is coming out September 10.
Christina Kann 51:37
So it came out this past weekend from when this show airs.
Christina Kann 51:43
A little look behind the curtain, guys. We record this in the past. Awesome. Thank you so much. Leila, where can people find you on the internet?
Lelia Hilton 51:54
Hello, I'm Lelia. You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @leelz4realz. You can find me on Sunday nights with some of my friends doing another podcast, which is what I'm going to plug this week! Yay. I am plugging the Movie Night Crew, our network's namesake. It is just me and Tina and a handful of our friends watching films. There's no rhyme or reason. We literally spin a wheel many times, and what it lands on, we watch. And then afterwards, we have a conversation about them. Sometimes we end up roasting the film the entire time, many times we do. It is bawdy and dirty and fun. And it's a great time. Lovingly produced by my husband, whose name is Jason.
Christina Kann 52:55
And he will actually be on next week's episode.
Lelia Hilton 52:58
Oh, yeah. Well dang. Yeah. He puts a lot of care into taking out all of our "like, what, um," and all of our awkward silences.
Christina Kann 53:09
It's just crazy how many times I tell people they can't eat while we're recording. It just happens anyway.
Lelia Hilton 53:16
Like, "You know what I should do right now? Chow down on a sandwich." Anyway, yeah, check us out, if you like this podcast, especially, you may recognize some of your Potter friends and get to hear him in a different type of environment, but also very similar.
Christina Kann 53:34
If you listen to this podcast, and you're like, "Wow, I like it, but it could be a little more chaotic."
Lelia Hilton 53:42
Have we got a show for you!
Christina Kann 53:46
Well, thank you so much for your lovely plug. Not that I'm biased. I've been your host Christina. You can follow me on Instagram @christinathekann. You can follow me on Twitter at @christina_kann. You can follow me on TikTok @sproutsprivatestash. And this week, I would like to recommend Cadence of Hyrule, which is a game for the Nintendo Switch -- maybe other platforms, I don't know -- but definitely the Nintendo Switch. It is a Legend of Zelda universe game that incorporates literally EDM. It's like two of my favorite things. As you're moving around this map, you have to move to the beat. It's extremely fun. My husband, Sean, is a DJ, and we're both Legend of Zelda enthusiasts. It was an extremely fun, not really that hard game. It's not nearly as involved or plot-oriented as other Legend of Zelda games. It's a total Nintendo vibe. I really recommend that. So wow, Lelia, thank you so much for coming on and chatting with us today.
Lelia Hilton 54:52
Christina Kann 54:54
And Cari, we are so grateful for you being our special guest today. It was an absolute pleasure to finally meet you and to get to talk about Harry Potter, which we've both been talking about separately a lot lately.
Yeah, it was so much fun to be here.
Christina Kann 55:07
Hell yeah, and I hope we can get you back on for another chapter of Order of the Phoenix.
Yeah, another really long book.
Christina Kann 55:16
Really long and really depressing, so we'll take all the friendship we can get to get through it. Awesome. All right, gang. I gotta go finish reading "Muggle Mail for Beginners" before this book folds itself into a paper airplane and flies away. Bye!
Christina Kann 55:37
The Restricted Section is a member of the Movie Night Crew Network, which features other amazing podcasts such as its namesake, the Movie Night Crew, which is an extra chaotic podcast featuring the gang just shooting the shit about whatever movie they just watched.
All righty. It's Movie Night. Grab your popcorn, grab your coffee. Grab your friend. Grab a cat. And let's go. Who directed this? What year did it come out? Is that that girl from that show? Who wrote this? Where's the cat? Who would you rather bang? Does this pass the Bechdel test? What about the Steve Buscemi test? Does a woman literally speak in this movie? Oh my god, a dog. This reminds me of in Harry Potter, when-- Are we recording? What do the critics say? It's a guilty pleasure. What's your rating? Can you be quiet? Oh my god. Movie Night Crew. It's just like watching movies with your friends and then arguing about it after. Every Sunday wherever you get podcasts.
Christina Kann 56:46
The Restricted Section was created by me, Christina Kann, based on the book series by JK Rowling. All music by Ryan Kann. Logo by Michael Hardison. Support us on patreon.com/therestrictedsection. For as little as $1 a month you can gain access to our Discord community server, which is a really happy place to be, and there are other rewards as well, such as bonus episodes and Zoom happy hour Hangouts. Be sure to follow us on Instagram @restrictedsectionpod, on Twitter @restrictedpod, and on Facebook @restrictedsectionpod. Also, feel free to shoot us an email at email@example.com to share your thoughts, feelings, complaints, conspiracy theories, or even lavish praise.
Lelia Hilton 57:30
*singing* Hello to the listeners, Lelia.