Haley Simpkiss, Mats Furuli, Christina Kann
Christina Kann 00:02
"Out in the corridor, Frank suddenly became aware that the hand gripping his walking stick was slippery with sweat. The man with the cold voice had killed a woman. He was talking about it without any kind of remorse; with amusement. He was dangerous a madman, and he was planning more murders. This boy -- Harry Potter, whoever he was -- was in danger. Frank knew what he must do. Now if ever was the time to go to the police. He would creep out of the house and head straight for the telephone box in the village. But the cold voice was speaking again, and Frank remained where he was, frozen to the spot listening with all his might."
What's up Pott-heads? Welcome to The Restricted Section, a show in which a bunch of nerds with potty mouths reread the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time and examine the ways that the story and its themes have stayed with a generation into adulthood. Thanks for listening. If you haven't done the reading, don't worry. We did it for you. Here's what we're talking about today:
Chapter One, The Riddle House. The Goblet of Fire starts not with Harry but with Frank Bryce, gardener of the Riddle House in Little Hangleton. 50 years ago, the rich and snobby Riddle family was found dead in their home and everyone figured that Frank had done it. After all, he was an introvert with PTSD and a limp. What a villain! But when the autopsies came back, his name was cleared. The three family members were evidently not even murdered. In fact, there was nothing wrong with them at all when they died except for expressions of supreme terror on their faces. Fast forward 50 years, and Frank is super old now. No one has ever really forgiven him for being an introvert with PTSD who was geographically near a mass murder. So he's used to kids fucking up his garden and even breaking into the Riddle House. One night his stiff leg wakes him up and he sees a flickering light on in an upstairs window of the manor. Real horror story shit, yeah? So he goes in, and he goes upstairs, listening in on the two men who are chatting inside. What are they chatting about? you ask. Murder! Murders they committed, murders they aspire to commit. Frank's just getting ready to go to the police when a giant snake slides past him and into the room. The snake presumably tattles on Frank for eavesdropping, so the men invite him into the room. What Frank sees inside that room absolutely shocks him, but it doesn't matter. There's a flash of green light, and our dear Frank is dead. Across the country, Harry Potter wakes with a start from a very alarming dream.
Welcome to The Restricted Section, where we will break into your house and start a fire! I am joined today by my most esteemed colleague, coworker, and dare I say co-conspirator, Haley.
Haley Simpkiss 03:06
Hey, how's it going?
Christina Kann 03:08
Good. Say hello to the listeners, Haley.
Haley Simpkiss 03:10
Hello, listeners. I'm Haley.
Christina Kann 03:12
Have you missed them?
Haley Simpkiss 03:13
I have missed them. Have you missed me, listener?
Mats Furuli 03:16
Yes, I have.
Haley Simpkiss 03:20
They're here! Oh God!
Christina Kann 03:24
As you can hear, I'm sure our special guest today his friend of the pod Mats! Say hello to the listeners much.
Mats Furuli 03:31
Hello to the listeners, Mats!
Christina Kann 03:34
You can catch Mats if you haven't already, or revisit. He was on our other episodes of the pod, The Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter 9, Part Two: Grim Defeat. And you also, Mats, came on to talk about Puffs, which was our special summer bonus episode this past summer.
Mats Furuli 03:51
Haley Simpkiss 03:51
That episode was so much fun.
Christina Kann 03:53
I listen to it by far more than any other episode.
Haley Simpkiss 03:58
It's so wholesome.
Christina Kann 03:59
It's very wholesome. I do recommend it.
Mats Furuli 04:02
I listened to it for the first time the other day because I hate my voice and listening to myself talk is a nightmare.
Haley Simpkiss 04:10
Welcome to podcasting. We all feel that way.
Christina Kann 04:14
All the listeners are gonna be like, "What? I came here specifically to listen to you."
Mats Furuli 04:21
Well, I never do that.
Christina Kann 04:24
That is one of those weird human things where it's just like, that can't be me. That's not right at all.
Mats Furuli 04:30
Every time I listen to a podcast and one of the hosts talks about loving hearing themselves talk, I'm like, "Fucking hell, I wish I could relate to that."
Christina Kann 04:42
I love to hear myself talk when I'm not being obnoxious. So like, not a lot.
Mats Furuli 04:49
I always love hearing you guys talk. I just finished re listening to the podcast last night and I promptly stopped relistening. So one of the last things that entered my earholes before this recording was Andrew singing the entire Sorting Hat Song.
*flashback clip* Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, but don't judge on what you see.
Christina Kann 05:18
Oh my god. That is one of my most like beloved memories on this podcast.
Haley Simpkiss 05:23
Oh god. That was like right before COVID wasn't it?
Christina Kann 05:25
Yeah, it was the last episode.
Haley Simpkiss 05:27
Yeah. Oh man. He is never happier than when he is either singing or telling you about his elaborate plans for hypothetical future situations.
Mats Furuli 05:38
I could not relate more.
Christina Kann 05:41
So gang we're here at the beginning of Goblet of Fire. We're standing on the precipice. I know! Are you even ready? Because this book is a lot.
Haley Simpkiss 05:51
Mats Furuli 05:52
I'm extremely ready.
Haley Simpkiss 05:54
We're gonna get through it together as friends
Christina Kann 05:56
We're gonna get through it together. Oh god. Oh dear. It's fine. It's fine. Probably no one will die.
Haley Simpkiss 06:04
One person might die.
Christina Kann 06:05
Up to one person Well, up to two people. #DontForget -- wait, #NeverForgetBerthaJorkins.
Haley Simpkiss 06:15
Oh, wait three Frank. Sorry. Spoilers for this chapter.
Christina Kann 06:23
How can I forget that Frank dies at the end of this very chapter? Okay, so three. Um, before we get started, I would love to just get a little bit from y'all about your experience with this book specifically. Mats, if I remember correctly, you read the book series originally really out of order.
Mats Furuli 06:42
Christina Kann 06:44
So when did you read Goblet of Fire in that order?
Mats Furuli 06:47
I have no idea when I first listened to it, but I believe it was the third book that I read.
Christina Kann 06:55
Mats Furuli 06:56
Order the Phoenix. Deathly Hallows.
Christina Kann 06:58
Mats Furuli 06:59
Goblet of Fire. Half-Blood Prince. And then 3, 2, 1.
Haley Simpkiss 07:04
Okay. All right.
Mats Furuli 07:06
In short, the order of longest books is shortest.
Haley Simpkiss 07:10
I guess that's one way to do it.
Mats Furuli 07:13
You know, the way you're supposed to read books.
Christina Kann 07:18
Awesome. Haley, do you remember reading this for the first time?
Haley Simpkiss 07:21
Not specifically, I don't think. I think that, you know, when my mom started reading the books to me -- because that was how I experienced the Harry Potter books for the first time was my mom read them out loud to me. And then it became like a tradition every time a new book would come out, we would sit on the couch and have popcorn and she would read through the whole thing, and I would usually rub her feet. And it was just a really beautiful experience. But when we first started it, I think the first three books were already out.
Christina Kann 07:49
Haley Simpkiss 07:49
I think three had just come out.
Christina Kann 07:51
I really think that they were, for a while there, promoting them as a trilogy. And I think that's when literally our entire friend group pretty much picked them up, when that trilogy was being promoted.
Haley Simpkiss 08:02
Right. So the fourth one is the one that I kind of remember going to buy for the first time. I remember a lot of specifics from number four -- just specific scenes. I remember my mom and I finally figuring out that her mind his name was not Hermy-own.
Christina Kann 08:20
Yes. JK Voldemort had to write a scene explaining how to pronounce one of the main characters names.
Mats Furuli 08:28
It's so good.
Haley Simpkiss 08:30
You know, we didn't have the internet. The internet didn't work like that yet. We didn't know. Okay.
Christina Kann 08:37
Also, I mean, Viktor Krum really likes Hermione, and he can't pronounce her name either. So like, I guess it doesn't really matter. She's pretty good natured about it.
Haley Simpkiss 08:47
True. What about you, Christina? What was your first experience?
Christina Kann 08:51
I have like flashes of reading this for the first time. I've definitely mentioned this on the podcast before, that I learned a lot of words from reading this book. And this is like the first one, I think, that was using vocabulary that was slightly beyond me. I certainly had never read a book this long before. I think this was actually a really helpful step up for me in terms of my reading level. It helped me feel like I could read bigger books with words that maybe I didn't know in it.
Haley Simpkiss 09:22
I would agree with that.
Christina Kann 09:24
Yeah, I love it. I do love this book. It's like so layered and beautiful. And every time I revisit it, I'm like, "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!" I forgot because the movie had to leave out so much of this in a way that it didn't have to the first three.
Haley Simpkiss 09:39
Christina Kann 09:40
So here we are at the beginning. I'm almost afraid to get started.
Haley Simpkiss 09:46
Do you have a point that you want to start with? Or, like, do you want like, do you want me to facilitate?
Christina Kann 09:51
The first bullet point of my notes says, "Oh my god, it's the beginning." So that's where we are.
Mats Furuli 09:58
That's a way better point than my first point, which is the lack of Oxford commas in this chapter fucking pisses me off.
Christina Kann 10:04
Yeah, I did clock that as well. So this chapter starts in the Riddle House in Little Hangleton. It used to be like a nice manor, but it's dilapidated now. And Harry Potter is nowhere to be seen in this chapter until the very end. This is like a different book right now. And they give us the old legend that 50 years ago, the Riddle family's maid found the whole family mysteriously dead in the drawing room.
Mats Furuli 10:35
Christina Kann 10:36
What is the drawing room? Why is it called that? Is it for drawing?,
Haley Simpkiss 10:41
Just gonna pop out my encyclopedia bullshit here.
Mats Furuli 10:45
Haley Simpkiss 10:47
"Drawing" comes from "withdrawing." If you lived in a manor house, you had your parlor for formal after-dinner, like sitting down having your brandy and coffee. And then you had the withdrawing room, which was like, there's couches and the fire and you write letters there and you might have books. It's like the casual living room versus the formal living room. So that's what the drawing room is.
Christina Kann 11:12
Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, thank you so much, Haley. I'm not surprised you know that. This Riddle family was very snobby and everyone hates them. But it's the mystery of this murder is why everyone is so obsessed with it. They were rich and shitty, and then they died mysteriously. So on the night when they died, the whole village is hanging out in the Hanged Man bar/pub.
Haley Simpkiss 11:42
Christina Kann 11:43
I don't like that! Any other name kinda.
Mats Furuli 11:48
I mean, we are currently in a world in which the main school is called Hogwarts, which, you know, is kind of just the grossest fucking thing ever.
Christina Kann 12:04
But it sounds funny.
Mats Furuli 12:07
Nobody really knows what it is.
Haley Simpkiss 12:10
Have you ever been to the UK? Like, every other pub is called like, the Crown and Rose or like the Rose or the Lion or something. So like, you got to you got to differentiate yourself somehow, man. Sometimes it's with a hanged guy. I don't know. "What do we have? We're England. What do we even have? Ummm hangings!"
Christina Kann 12:31
The only thing that's ever happened in this town. So everyone's hanging out at the Hanged Man talking about like, what even happened? And the Riddle family's cook comes in to say that Frank Bryce, the gardener, has been arrested. They are debating about him. Is he nice? Is he rude? He really definitely is just an introvert with PTSD.
Haley Simpkiss 12:59
Something I noticed reading this chapter that I would like to get your opinions on: I get Hobbit vibes from this chapter. Like the style of the writing, the way it's written.
Christina Kann 13:09
Haley Simpkiss 13:10
Or like the first chapter of Lord of the Rings where they're talking about, like the plans for Bilbo's birthday party and it's all ramping up. This is kind of that same tone of like, you're in an outside perspective, looking in on a sliver of this bigger adventure, but like from the perspectives of the neighbors, just like the boring, nosy neighbors.
Mats Furuli 13:36
I didn't think about that. But yeah.
Christina Kann 13:37
The cook has big Lobelia energy.
Haley Simpkiss 13:40
Yeah, she does. She does have big Lobelia energy. Like if they called this pub the Green Dragon, I would be like, "Are we in the Shire?" These people sound like hobbits; they talk like hobbits.
Christina Kann 13:52
What a better name for a pub. So the facts are thus: Frank is the only person who had a key to the house and there was no sign of forced entry. So in the end, the villagers -- the gossipers -- they create this narrative that he acts weird, so he's probably guilty. Because that's how small villages be.
Haley Simpkiss 14:16
Small towns do be that way.
Mats Furuli 14:18
Christina Kann 14:19
Yeah. So at this time, while this is going on, Frank is at the police station defending himself. He claimed that he saw a kid wandering around the property that night, but no one believes him. And like, frankly, it's not a very convincing fact. You know, it's like "What? Just a kid?" He just saw a kid.
Haley Simpkiss 14:37
Yeah, but I live in a small town and it was a weird kid I've never seen before. So that's what I've got for ya.
Christina Kann 14:43
Mats Furuli 14:45
Can you like at least please look into it please, please, before you sentence sentence an innocent man to jail or death?
Christina Kann 14:52
Right, the Hanged Man.
Mats Furuli 14:55
The Hanged Man probably serves as a bar as well as an execution place.
Christina Kann 15:01
Oh my god.
Haley Simpkiss 15:02
I wouldn't be surprised. But if the guy in question is like weird and quiet, he's clearly guilty. Obviously.
Mats Furuli 15:11
I'd be so fucked in 1920s Britain.
Haley Simpkiss 15:14
Christina Kann 15:16
So the only thing that really saves Frank in the end is the fact that like the autopsy comes back with nothing. It's like "You're completely fine, but you are dead, for sure. But like besides that, you're fine."
Haley Simpkiss 15:29
I do love this line: They appear to be completely healthy despite being dead. "The doctors did note (as though determined to find something wrong with the bodies) that each of the Riddles had a look of terror upon his or her face." Weird.
Christina Kann 15:48
I do like that parenthetical.
Haley Simpkiss 15:51
Christina Kann 15:52
So that's kind of that. So Frank, get -- he gets let go -- they let him go. Stupid sentence. He's free. He goes free. He didn't -- he -- there's no evidence that he did anything, including any evidence of literal murder other than dead bodies. So Frank just like stays there, and the house gets passed from owner to owner. But like no one wanted to live there, which I get. It seems scary. It became all dilapidated. And Frank just keeps living there.
Haley Simpkiss 16:23
I had like a thought, just like a missed opportunity thought, when they're talking about like the people who lived there. "Neither family stayed long. Perhaps it was partly because of Frank that each new owner said there was a nasty feeling about the place." And like, were any of the Horcruxes hidden in the old rental house? Because--
Christina Kann 16:45
No! That's good though.
Haley Simpkiss 16:48
It would have worked really well. That would have been a really good easter egg.
Christina Kann 16:52
Oh, yeah. Maybe every time you walk into a building and get a weird feeling, it's because they're so Horcrux hidden there.
Mats Furuli 16:58
Haley Simpkiss 16:59
Or asbestos. One of the two.
Mats Furuli 17:03
I kind of love the idea that the weird, creepy, horrible feeling comes from the fact that there is a Horcrux there.
Christina Kann 17:13
Yeah. would have been good. I mean, and he had a lot to hide.
Haley Simpkiss 17:16
Yeah. But, one of the ones that Dumbledore found -- like the maybe the ring was -- I don't remember. I don't remember.
Christina Kann 17:25
The ring was in the Gaunts' house.
Mats Furuli 17:26
Haley Simpkiss 17:28
This would have been better.
Christina Kann 17:29
This would have been better.
Haley Simpkiss 17:30
Never mind. It's fine. It's fine.
Christina Kann 17:31
And honestly, if he hid it in this house, it has a built in guard dog because Frank still is around protecting the place.
Haley Simpkiss 17:40
Christina Kann 17:41
That'd be funny. So then it cuts to present day, and Frank is old. It says he's very deaf, but then he eavesdrops the whole conversation, so he's not very deaf.
Mats Furuli 17:52
Christina Kann 17:54
He can be like, slightly hard of hearing, but he's definitely not very deaf. Unless he has -- oh my god. You know how in the Hobbit, one of the hobbits has like a listening horn, an ear trumpet! That's what they're called.
Haley Simpkiss 18:07
It's just never mentioned, but he is carrying it through this whole thing.
Mats Furuli 18:13
Doesn't one of the headmaster portraits in Dumbledore's office have one of those?
Christina Kann 18:19
Oh, my God. That is such a small detail. I cannot believe that you remember that? But of course, Haley remembers.
Haley Simpkiss 18:27
Which movie is that? I remember what you're talking about. But like, which movie is that?
Mats Furuli 18:30
I don't even know if it's a movie.
Haley Simpkiss 18:32
Well, I remember it visually. It might also be in the book, but I feel like I remember seeing it.
Christina Kann 18:40
That's the kind of tiny cute thing that someone would pull for the movie. You know, since we're animating a bunch of old dudes anyway, throw an ear horn in there. It's magical. That's where they got the technology to start developing the Extendable Ears in the next book.
Haley Simpkiss 18:54
There you go.
Christina Kann 18:55
Frank just lives on the property kind of gardening? Probably just mostly grumping around with his cane.
Haley Simpkiss 19:01
Christina Kann 19:03
Yeah. This would be your life.
Haley Simpkiss 19:06
Yes, it would I want this job.
Mats Furuli 19:08
Just like stumbling around in your bog.
Haley Simpkiss 19:12
If I can't get a bog I want to be a reclusive gardener. Either's fine. There's mention of -- there's a wealthy new owner who continues to pay Frank to do the gardening. And as far as anyone knows, he keeps the property for tax reasons. Do we think that's Dumbledore? Do we think Dumbledore bought Tom Riddle's dad's house?
Christina Kann 19:35
That would have been really amazing if there was a Horcrux hidden inside.
Haley Simpkiss 19:44
A wealthy, mysterious owner who keeps it for quote-unquote tax reasons. Doesn't that sound like the kind of bullshit lie that wizards would come up with? "We're not even really trying but you're not gonna question it."
Christina Kann 19:53
Yeah, like "I don't really know a lot about muggles, but I know they for sure do taxes. Those sound terrble."
Haley Simpkiss 20:00
At the end of this book, Dumbledore does have a paper from Little Hangleton. He pays attention to what was going on in the area. I think Dumbledore owns the house.
Christina Kann 20:11
Interesting. I like that interpretation. I just thought it was someone who was trying to like claim residency in like a certain -- What are they called? What are what is Britain ... like divided into? Is it territories? Is it counties? Counties seems like a British thing.
Haley Simpkiss 20:29
I know that counties are a thing in Ireland
Christina Kann 20:31
No, it's not principalities. Principalities are ruled by princes. No, I think it might be counties.
Christina Kann 20:42
Okay. I forget what the whole rest of the sentence was until I got confused about the word "counties." Let's move on. The village is shitty about the house. They harass Frank and they fuck up his gardening and they break into the house and they light things on fire. And so when he wakes up in the middle of the night one night and he sees that there's lights on in the Riddle House, he just assumes that it's more asshole muggle kids playing pranks. He's a worthy opponent for a bunch of teenagers playing pranks.
Haley Simpkiss 21:20
Yeah. damn kids. If only. If only it actually was the damn kids.
Mats Furuli 21:25
Yeah, fucking Voldemort. Spoiler! All spoilers all the time! It's Voldemort.
Christina Kann 21:31
It is. It is fucking Voldemort.
Mats Furuli 21:32
It do be Voldemort.
Haley Simpkiss 21:35
It do be Voldemort.
Mats Furuli 21:38
When Harry's just like, "I think my scar is hurting. I think something's going on," most of the time it do indeed be Voldemort.
Haley Simpkiss 21:47
I feel like that's most of like books four and five particularly. "What's going on?" It do be Voldemort.
Christina Kann 21:54
It do be Voldemort. Because at the end of book five, it becomes public knowledge that he's out there. So he has to become like more subtle.
Haley Simpkiss 22:03
The Daily Prophet headline the next day after they finally admit it: "IT DO BE VOLDEMORT."
Christina Kann 22:16
They fired Rita Skeeter and had to get the interns stuff and they were like, "This is the best headline I could come up with."
Mats Furuli 22:23
Oh my god.
Haley Simpkiss 22:24
It gets the point across. So yeah, yeah. He thinks it's teenagers lighting fires, like they do. And it's not.
Christina Kann 22:32
It's not. It is not. Frank says "fuck the police" since he's still mad that they interrogated him one time 50 years ago... for a crime that it did kind of look like he might have committed. Yeah, so he's like, "I'm not gonna call the police. I'm gonna like go kick these kids out myself." He lets himself into the house and then he sneaks up the stairs. Baby. Please stop. Go back, please.
Haley Simpkiss 23:02
There is a line-- You know how sometimes you'll read something and a line from it will just like stick with you? Just like get in your head? Where he's going up the stairs and it says he's he's "blessing the dust" that's muffling his footsteps. I don't know why that line has always stuck with me. But I I don't know. It's just been in my head since I was like nine.
Mats Furuli 23:25
It's been in my head since like, yesterday when I started reading this chapter to prepare. But yes, that is something that I clocked as well, but only on this reading.
Haley Simpkiss 23:34
It's just an it's just an interesting line.
Mats Furuli 23:37
Christina Kann 23:38
Yeah, it is interesting.
Haley Simpkiss 23:39
Weird way to phrase it.
Christina Kann 23:42
But I do, a lot of the time, reading through Harry Potter, come across lines where it's just like "I recognize you specifically." You know what I mean? Like "This sentence for sure. I know this one."
Haley Simpkiss 23:52
Christina Kann 23:54
I've been here before. It's the opposite of the Gandalf meme.
Haley Simpkiss 23:58
I have a memory of this place.
Christina Kann 24:00
I have a memory of this place. I have up to 15 memories of this place. So in the room, two men are speaking. One of them has a normal voice and then the other one has a scary, evil-maybe-sounding voice. "A cold, high-pitched voice," which I have a really hard time envisioning until I saw Puffs. Because the Voldemort in Puffs has a voice like Him from Powerpuff Girls. The Voldemort in the movies, I think because they need you to take them seriously, doesn't really have that kind of voice.
Haley Simpkiss 24:36
Because the guy in Puffs was doing a honestly better impression of what Ray -- Ray Fiennes? I think Ray Fiennes did a good job. But the dude in Puffs, even though he was hamming it up, that's kind of what I was envisioning. Because it's not so much high pitched as it's just really thin and breathy.
Mats Furuli 25:00
Christina Kann 25:00
Yeah, like like Marilyn Monroe
Haley Simpkiss 25:02
Like he's fucked up his vocal cords in hearing it like weird, magical experiments on himself or something.
Christina Kann 25:10
In the right context, it's funny to hear like that kind of voice. But if you were in genuine danger, and you heard that voice it would be incredibly chilling.
Haley Simpkiss 25:19
Mats Furuli 25:19
Voldemort is like the most dramatic wizard, so yeah.
Haley Simpkiss 25:23
Yeah, in a society that is, as we've established many a time, all about the drama.
Mats Furuli 25:27
Hell yeah! I was so badly hoping we'd get to do that.
Haley Simpkiss 25:31
Oh Mats, I would never let you down. Of course, I was gonna do it.
Mats Furuli 25:35
Oh, hell yeah.
Christina Kann 25:37
Voldemort is like way more dramatic than even Dumbledore. When we get to the end of this book, he is like, "Excuse me while I monologue for four straight chapters."
Haley Simpkiss 25:50
Christina Kann 25:51
And then he does it.
Haley Simpkiss 25:52
Yeah! He has a captive audience! He has a literal captive audience! It's a 14-year-old boy, but you know.
Mats Furuli 26:00
You sly dog, you caught me monologuing.
Christina Kann 26:05
Okay, these two people, these two dudes, are talking about some things that Frank doesn't really understand. He is like, "My ears must be full of ear wax because what the fuck is Quidditch?" So he's listening to this stuff without any context. They're planning something. They're gonna wait until after the Quidditch Cup. They need to do something that requires this dude, Harry Potter, whoever the fuck that guy is. Um, lots of murder talk. There's lots of murder talk for sure. Like undeniable murder talk.
Haley Simpkiss 26:39
Just casual murder talk, you know, like to do with your bro.
Christina Kann 26:42
In front of the fireplace.
Mats Furuli 26:44
I mean, sometimes we do talk a lot of murder but that's usually specifically when we're playing Fuck, Marry, Kill.
Haley Simpkiss 26:53
Oh, true. Yeah. Yeah.
Christina Kann 26:56
Or like a video game, just like murder murder.
Haley Simpkiss 27:00
Now I'm just picturing for the Death Eaters playing Fuck, Marry, Kill. Oh, that would be a very dark version of that game. Extremely fucked up and dark version of that game.
Christina Kann 27:12
I'm trying to even remember -- like, none of the Death Eaters are even remotely sexy except for Bellatrix Lestrange and Daddy Malfoy. My honey. In this moment, Frank is like "I'm sorry that I said fuck the police. I think I actually would like some police at this time. Cuz there's a lot of murder talk."
Haley Simpkiss 27:35
*snottily* Um, why doesn't he just call them with his cell phone?
Christina Kann 27:41
Frank would never.
Haley Simpkiss 27:43
He doesn't-- they don't exist yet. It is the 90s
Christina Kann 27:47
True. But also Frank would never.
Haley Simpkiss 27:48
Also Frank would never, also he doesn't own a phone.
Christina Kann 27:51
Like don't call me.
Mats Furuli 27:52
Yeah, it was specified in this chapter that he does not in fact, own a phone.
Christina Kann 27:56
Yeah, that's true.
Haley Simpkiss 27:56
He doesn't even have a landline, which I respect.
Christina Kann 28:00
No, you have to be able to call for help.
Haley Simpkiss 28:02
No, no, he's a strong, independent, elderly man and he don't need no assistance from anybody ever for any reasons.
Mats Furuli 28:10
Except the fact that he's apparently very deaf.
Christina Kann 28:13
Honestly, you know what Frank needs? Does he have a cat? Does it mention that? Frank needs a pet; he needs an emotional support pet. But one that doesn't need him very much. But like a fat little cat would love plomping around the garden with him and then just like chilling out at night. Like "I don't really need to snuggle you but like I'm here if you need to talk."
Haley Simpkiss 28:32
Yeah, but then the cat would be alone after this.
Christina Kann 28:35
Cats figure it out. They would have gotten out and just like lived in the garden eating bugs forever. What a joyful life or a little fat rompy garden cat.
Haley Simpkiss 28:44
You're very emotionally attached to this hypothetical cat.
Christina Kann 28:48
Imagine the adorable way in which Frank Bryce would love a cat that respected boundaries.
Haley Simpkiss 28:54
You know what cat Frank Bryce should have and would love? Penny. Your cat Penny.
Christina Kann 28:59
Yeah, exactly. Just eat this little bug. Roll around in this little plant.
Mats Furuli 29:04
I thought you were about to say Bustopher Jones from Cats (2019).
Christina Kann 29:13
Okay, where the fuck were we?
Haley Simpkiss 29:16
We're talking murder. Everyone's talking murder. Something about Frank having a cat. Oh, Frank doesn't have a phone. But he should have a cat. And yes, we're talking murder.
Christina Kann 29:27
Thank you so much, Haley.
Haley Simpkiss 29:28
You're very welcome.
Christina Kann 29:29
So Frank's like, "I'm gonna go to the police." But then Nagini, the giant snake, is like "Wait, I'm a giant snake and I would like to slither past you."
Haley Simpkiss 29:36
*I'm a snake impression*
Mats Furuli 29:38
*better I'm a snake impression*
Haley Simpkiss 29:41
Oh, you're too good at that.
Christina Kann 29:45
Man, I listened to a YouTube recording of someone reading this book today, this chapter, and it was like really, really, really bad. Like the reading was bad. And I won't say who it was obviously, but there's a lot of really excellent ones on YouTube. But this person reading pronounced it in "nah-genie."
Mats Furuli 30:04
I hate that.
Christina Kann 30:05
It was like they were just like reading a foreign language. They were like "I definitely know the sounds to make, but I'm not sure the meaning that exists in these words." It was very funny to me. Nah-genie really stuck with me.
Haley Simpkiss 30:17
All I can think is it sounds like nagina. I don't know what that is. I don't know what a nagina would be.
Christina Kann 30:25
I was waiting for you to explain to me what that was.
Mats Furuli 30:29
It sounds like snake genitals.
Haley Simpkiss 30:33
It would be a cloaca.
Mats Furuli 30:34
A magical cloaco is what nagina is. It always comes back to cloacas.
Haley Simpkiss 30:42
It's cloacas all the way down, God dammit.
Mats Furuli 30:46
"Cloacas All the Way Down" written by John Green.
Haley Simpkiss 30:50
Mats Furuli 30:50
I was contemplating putting in my notes "Does Peter Pettigrew have a cloaca?" just to be able to bring cloacas up.
Haley Simpkiss 31:06
He doesn't but we got there in the end on our own just fine.
Christina Kann 31:09
We got there organically. Cloacas do come up organically a lot. This isn't even the first time I've talked about cloacas today because Sean and I in the car earlier were talking about-- well, we were talking about duck penises.
Mats Furuli 31:24
Haley Simpkiss 31:27
Those are also very upsetting. So Nagina and her nagina slither into the room.
Christina Kann 31:33
Yeah, so Frank is like, "This snake's gonna kill me." But Nagini's like "Don't even worry about it" and just goes right past. But then Nagini ostensibly tattletales on Frank for being in the hallways.
Haley Simpkiss 31:46
Snitches get stitches.
Christina Kann 31:47
Yeah. Snitches get hisses.
Haley Simpkiss 31:52
Christina Kann 31:53
Thank you. So Wormtail opens the door and it's like, "Come on inside." And then Frank has some words for the armchair. My notes are really stupid for this section. And then Frank is like, "Face me like a man!" And then Lord Voldemort turns around.
Mats Furuli 32:15
He pulls off his helmet, reveals that is in fact, Eowyn. *singing* It was Eowyn all along.
Christina Kann 32:28
It do be Voldemort. Frank doesn't like what he sees, to say the least.
Mats Furuli 32:37
Christina Kann 32:38
And then there's a flash of green light. And then our boy Frank dies.
Haley Simpkiss 32:43
Mats Furuli 32:44
Christina Kann 32:44
Haley Simpkiss 32:45
Christina Kann 32:46
"Two hundred miles away, the boy called Harry Potter awoke with a start."
Mats Furuli 32:50
And that's the end of the episode. Hopefully not...
Christina Kann 32:55
Honestly, at the end of that chapter, I'm like, "Oh, God, this was a really cool story. Do we have to go back to that Harry already?"
Haley Simpkiss 33:01
I know. Because you know the next chapter is gonna be "He was a very unusual boy. And for more than one reason!"
Christina Kann 33:11
Tune in next week for our thrilling coverage of that chapter. Oh, actually Sam O'Brien, host of Content and Capable, is going to be on that episode. So it'll probably be super fun anyway.
Haley Simpkiss 33:26
He'll make it fun.
Mats Furuli 33:27
I'm very much looking forward to that.
Christina Kann 33:29
Yeah. Dang. I'm actually kind of surprised that we got through this chapter so quickly.
Haley Simpkiss 33:34
I mean, we could talk a little bit about like, more and more in detail of what Wormtail and Voldemort were talking about, with like Bertha Jorkins and everything.
Christina Kann 33:42
Yeah, I did skim over most of that. Because really, it's just like, "Get ready for the rest of this book. Here's the events that are to come."
Haley Simpkiss 33:51
Yeah. First of all, after being a rat for 13 straight years, how does Peter Pettigrew pick up a lady? Because I feel like he didn't have game to begin with?
Mats Furuli 34:03
Yeah, that's in my notes as well. I don't think he has a wand at this point. So...
Haley Simpkiss 34:10
Yeah, so so no, he must have charmed her.
Mats Furuli 34:14
Haley Simpkiss 34:15
But like how?
Christina Kann 34:19
He literally was just like, "Yo, Bertha, it's me Peter Pettigrew. You thought I was dead. But like, we went to school together. Isn't it crazy that we're both in this place? Let's talk a little bit." And she's just a friendly idiot, which like, relatable. So I would be like, "Yeah! I knew you when we were kids. Let's go have dinner or whatever."
Haley Simpkiss 34:38
She might have even forgotten that he was supposed to be dead because her memory is all fucked up from getting her memory modified so badly.
Christina Kann 34:46
Yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, rough. It's so rough.
Haley Simpkiss 34:49
Yeah, it's a bad time.
Mats Furuli 34:50
I forgot about the timeline. But yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, seriously, having your brain messed up by memory charm is like the only way that I can think of that Peter Pettigrew might possibly be able to seduce someone.
Haley Simpkiss 35:07
Yeah, how? How? That's all I'm asking. How?
Christina Kann 35:11
Wait, are we assuming that he seduced her? Or are we reading between the lines that he seduced her?
Haley Simpkiss 35:17
He got a woman to leave a bar with him while she was on vacation.
Christina Kann 35:23
I'm just telling you some people are just trusting.
Mats Furuli 35:26
I would still not trust someone who looked like Peter fucking Pettigrew.
Christina Kann 35:31
He is, like, really rough in the movies for sure.
Mats Furuli 35:33
Yeah, maybe I'm just like, seeing Timothy Spall, but like--
Christina Kann 35:38
I think that's the idea, though.
Haley Simpkiss 35:40
I mean, he's described I think in the books as being more milquetoast, just a very normal -- like, if he wasn't a wizard and a turncoat spy thing, he would look like a mailman.
Christina Kann 35:54
I was gonna say like the energy vampire from What We Do in the Shadows.
Mats Furuli 35:58
Christina Kann 35:59
What's his name? Do we know?
Haley Simpkiss 36:00
Do we know?
Christina Kann 36:01
Welp, doesn't matter.
Haley Simpkiss 36:02
No, he has a name.
Christina Kann 36:03
He definitely has a name. I just don't remember what it is. It's probably something like Mark or like Michael or something.
My name is Colin Robinson. And I am what's known as a psychic vampire, or energy vampire.
Haley Simpkiss 36:15
Yeah, something as made in a lab to be as forgettable as humanly possible. Sorry to all of the Mikes that we're friends with. All eight thousand of you.
Christina Kann 36:28
Okay, anything else we want to touch on before we wrap up this chapter? I do like what you said about it being a hobbity because it is hoppity.
Haley Simpkiss 36:36
Yeah, just in tone. I mean, like more dark.
Christina Kann 36:40
Yeah, but the beginning for sure was very hobbity.
Mats Furuli 36:44
I have a note that I was contemplating just leaving out because it's so long, on the topic of Peter Pettigrew's hitherto unknown abilities. I feel like a lot of people shit on Peter -- a lot of people seem to think that he's a really terrible wizard. Like, he does have some magical prowess. Like he outsmarts and out-magics Sirius Black when he is confronted on the street. He's able to blow up the street, and he cuts off his finger in order to fake his own death, which is extremely cunning. The fact that he's able to blow up the street, killing 12 people, with his wand behind his back, before Sirius is able to react, is kind of impressive. He's also the person, I think -- possibly with help -- but I think mostly Peter Pettigrew was the person who brewed the potion that allowed Voldemort to regain a temporary body, the body that we see in this chapter, as well as the potion that got Voldemort his full body.
Haley Simpkiss 38:10
Yeah, I mean, you could say if he's receiving instruction on that, it doesn't count. But also, Harry and his whole class, whenever they are in Snape's class, are receiving instruction the entire time, and they still managed to fuck up pretty frequently. And this is like some Restricted Section -- heyyyyyy Restricted Section! This is one of those Restricted Section fucked-up potions that are really complicated. So I think you're onto something.
Mats Furuli 38:13
You could argue that a lot of the reason why people fuck up in Snape's class is the fact that Snape is a really terrifying person. But so is fucking Voldemort. Like Voldemort is more terrifying. So I feel like the risk of fucking up under Voldemort's supervision is way bigger than under Snape's. And also, I could be getting the timeline wrong, but I think Wormtail must have been the person who brewed the Polyjuice Potion for Barty Crouch Jr. because it takes a month to make. I don't think Barty Crouch Jr. would have come back to Voldemort in time to brew that potion.
Haley Simpkiss 39:26
I think Barty was making his own on the sly because Snape does accuse Harry of stealing Polyjuice Potion ingredients again, because he's like, "I know it was you. I can't prove it. But I fucking know it was you the first time two years ago and I know it's you now" and Harry's like, "I genuinely do not know what you're talking about."
Christina Kann 39:49
Haley Simpkiss 39:50
Mats Furuli 39:52
He was transformed into Mad-Eye Moody when he got to Hogwarts, so there must have been at least some amount of Polyjuice Potion.
Haley Simpkiss 40:04
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
Mats Furuli 40:06
There's also the fact that he was able -- I mean, he was getting help, but like -- he was able to becoming an animagus at fucking 15 years old. We keep hearing from Sirius and Voldemort that he's this complete fucking dumbass. But other than like maybe the fact that he did fuck up the question on his OWLs about werewolf signs despite the fact that he is actively running around with a werewolf every fucking full moon -- other than that, I don't think we really see, at least to me, any convincing evidence that Peter Pettigrew is that big of a dumbass. He seems like he's pretty good at magic in general and also extremely cunning. I fucking hate Peter Pettigrew. He's the absolute worst. Insert Jean-Ralphio "The Worst" clip.
Mats Furuli 41:07
People should be getting giving him more credit when it comes to magical prowess.
Christina Kann 41:13
I guess when he spends 12 years as a rat, he just becomes so deeply pathetic during that time, like cowardly and pathetic, that it's like whatever skill he has, it's like "You're still just an absolute piece of shit."
Haley Simpkiss 41:30
Yeah, I think you're right Mats. I do think that he's a lot more talented than most people assume. But that kind of just makes him very easy to underestimate.
Christina Kann 41:46
I was just gonna say that's like, his whole thing is that people were underestimating him the whole time. And also to this very day.
Mats Furuli 41:53
He's like a dark-side Neville Longbottom.
Haley Simpkiss 41:55
Christina Kann 41:58
Haley Simpkiss 41:59
It sounds like his main issue was honestly confidence.
Mats Furuli 42:03
Other than the fact that he's a shitty person, but you know.
Haley Simpkiss 42:05
Well, I mean, also that. His issue internally that leads him to "Well, okay, I just need to find the most powerful friends possible because I suck."
Mats Furuli 42:16
Haley Simpkiss 42:16
But I don't know. It kind of sounds like it didn't need to fucking go this way, dude, but you made purchases. Have fun living as a rat and then working for this dude.
Christina Kann 42:26
Mats Furuli 42:27
12 years of it! In Ratskaban.
Christina Kann 42:34
Oh my god. Okay, great. Well, let's move on. Let's wrap it on up. Before we get into plugs, I would like to invite all of our beloved listeners to consider signing up for our Patreon. For as little as $1 a month, you can be part of our Discord community, which is very, very fun, and Haley and Mats and I are all there very consistently, so come chat nerd shit with us. You can also get access to our bonus episodes on our Patreon. This month's bonus episode is going to cover My Immortal, the mysterious and legendary Harry Potter fanfiction.
Mats Furuli 43:12
Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm so excited for it.
Haley Simpkiss 43:16
I started reading and sort of rereading. It's a bad time.
Christina Kann 43:20
Catch Haley on that episode. It's gonna be really fun.
Haley Simpkiss 43:24
*clearly in pain* Yep, it will.
Christina Kann 43:26
Yeah, so head over to our Patreon to get access to that. The link is in the show notes. Haley, would you like to tell people where they can find you on the internet?
Haley Simpkiss 43:35
I would like to tell people where they can find me on the internet. Thank you for not letting me forget this time. I'm Haley. You can hear my dulcet tones on Sundays with the Movie Night Crew just talking shit about movies. Not even talking shit. Sometimes talking shit, and then sometimes just critical analysis, but it's a lot of talking shit. And you can find me on Twitter if you must @thewrit_towit. And my plug for this week -- I'm gotta be super creative and plug Bo Burnham's Inside. It's on Netflix. If you choose to watch it, and you are a person who has ever struggled with mental health, just be careful, hydrate, have tissues on hand, and maybe have someone you can talk to afterwards because at least one line, probably more, is going to rip your actual soul out. But it's very well done.
Mats Furuli 44:37
Like a dementor.
Christina Kann 44:40
I was gonna say, a finishing move.
Mats Furuli 44:44
Christina Kann 44:44
Thank you so much for that glowing recommendation, Haley.
Haley Simpkiss 44:47
Christina Kann 44:48
Mats, where can people find you on the internet?
Mats Furuli 44:50
Yeah, so I'm on Twitter and Instagram. My handle for both is @mdotfur.
Christina Kann 44:59
Do you have anything you've watched or read or listened to or done recently that you would like to recommend to our listeners?
Mats Furuli 45:07
Yeah, I actually have two plugs, and I'll try to keep these plugs kind of brief.
Christina Kann 45:14
Mats did ask permission to bring two plugs before we recorded. Very respectful.
Mats Furuli 45:22
Yeah, so weirdly, the thing that I'm always the most nervous about when it comes to recording podcast episodes, is whenever I have to actually plug something. I feel like I'm really bad at talking about the things that I love and why I love them. So that's always kind of nerve-wracking. So, of course, I had to make myself do it twice today. So you know.
Haley Simpkiss 45:52
We did establish earlier that you like torturing yourself.
Mats Furuli 45:54
That is true. That is very true.
Christina Kann 45:57
This is a safe space to just share your plugs and like don't even worry about it.
Mats Furuli 46:01
Great. Okay. Yeah. So my first plug is a book series called The Kingkiller Chronicles. It's a hard one to describe and make it sound like it's actually a compelling series. If I were to describe the plot, it would probably sound something along the lines of "Young boy goes to school, tries to get into a library." His biggest goal for the entire first book is to get into a library, but he can't. That's more or less the entire plot of the first book. The first book is called the Name of the Wind, by the way. I think one of the big reasons why I love the book so much, or the series, is the fact that it's set in this Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones-esque magical world, but it's such a tiny and contained story. It's a really small story, so you really get to know the characters in that story. But so much of the world on a geographical basis is unexplored and it allows for so many potential future series, and I'm really excited. I'm so excited for book three to come out.
Christina Kann 47:25
Hell yeah, Haley and I have both read -- well, I read the Name of the Wind, but you read both of them, Haley.
Haley Simpkiss 47:31
I have a first printing of the second book that I got signed by Patrick Rothfuss.
Mats Furuli 47:38
No way. Wow, I'm so fucking jealous. I recently just got a really beautiful cover or like, copy, of the two books. And like I posted pictures of those on Instagram. They're just the prettiest things I've ever seen in my life.
Christina Kann 48:04
They were very beautiful.
Mats Furuli 48:05
And really expensive! I think getting my hands on both of the books would cost me about $500. So yeah, that is money that I don't currently possess.
Christina Kann 48:14
Those are books that you put in a glass case out for people to gaze at as they walk past.
Mats Furuli 48:19
Exactly. I would never opened ever in my life. Yeah, so my second plug is a D&D action play series called Dimension 20. Often when people talk about really great D&D series or shows, it's in audio, podcast format. And you can listen to some of it on a podcast. But I will say, by far the best experience is to watch it on -- some of it is on YouTube. But all of it -- and I believe it's completely uncensored -- is on College Humor's streaming service, Dropout. It's really great. Yeah, it costs money, but it's honestly so worth it. But one of the series is called Fantasy High. It's basically if you took every John Hughes eighties rom com, but everything was fantasy, magical, and it's just absolutely wonderful and delightful. Another is called A Crowd of Candy. It's basically Game of Thrones, but everything is made of food. So the like royal family is made of candy and they're like--
Christina Kann 48:21
Oh my god, like Princess Vanellope from Wreck-It Ralph.
Mats Furuli 49:51
Exactly. It's delightful.
Christina Kann 49:54
Or Princess Bubblegum.
Haley Simpkiss 49:56
No, it's it's Vanellope from Wreck-It Ralph, Princess Bubblegum is Adventure Time.
Christina Kann 50:02
Yeah. I was saying as an additional example. Okay.
Mats Furuli 50:06
And yeah, another is a really short series, but it's called Tiny Heist. It's basically Toy Story meets Ocean's 11, which is like two of my favorite movies ever.
Christina Kann 50:19
You said Tiny Heist?
Mats Furuli 50:21
Haley Simpkiss 50:22
Oh my god.
Christina Kann 50:22
I love that so much.
Haley Simpkiss 50:24
Those are all really cool premises.
Christina Kann 50:26
Yeah, that sounds very creative.
Mats Furuli 50:29
One that finished recently is called, I believe, Misfits and Magic. Basically, four American teenagers attend a Hogwarts-esque wizard school as foreign exchange students. And it takes place in a world in which the Harry Potter series exists. And it's just the best people ever. And yeah, I highly recommend it.
Christina Kann 50:59
Hell yeah. Thank you so much. So I've been your host, Christina. You can follow me on Instagram @christinathekann. You can follow me on twitter @christinakann. I also have another Twitter called @booksoocontext, where I post lines from books out of context. I started out while I was reading Percy Jackson, because there's a lot of really good ones. You can follow me on TikTok @sproutsprivatestash. This week, I'd like to recommend a graphic novel that I read over the summer called Bloom, written by Kevin Panetta and illustrated by Savannah Ganucheau. It's a very cute little graphic novel about two boys who fall in love in a bakery. It's just like a really wholesome, YA romance. I love it so much. It's so sweet and mellow. So buy it from your local bookstore, maybe. And our local bookstore here is Fountain Bookstore, and I think you can order through the mail from them if you would like to support our beloved local bookstore. Haley, thank you so much for being here with me today on this very first episode of the Goblet of Fire.
Haley Simpkiss 52:21
Happy to be here.
Christina Kann 52:22
Yeah. And Mats, thank you for joining us. It is a pleasure as always when you're here.
Mats Furuli 52:26
Aw, thank you so much for having me. It's been a great time and I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that I will not be able to join you for another chapter for about a book and a half. So...
Christina Kann 52:39
Well, you were on like two episodes ago, so I'm sure we'll find a way to make it happen.
Mats Furuli 52:44
I can't wait.
Christina Kann 52:45
And as a reminder, if you haven't watched Puffs and listen to our summer episode that covered Puffs, you absolutely should. That's my other plug. My followup plug.
Haley Simpkiss 52:53
Yeah, I'll second that plug.
Christina Kann 52:58
Alright gang, I gotta go finish reading Gardening for Muggles before this book spontaneously combust! Bye.
Mary-Peyton Crook, Brooke Matherly, Grace Ball, Siri, Christina Kann
Christina Kann 00:24
Hello and welcome to The Restricted Section. We are a raunchy, rowdy, rambling, unabashedly pro trans rights Harry Potter book club podcast hosted by a bunch of millennial nihilistic assholes who are desperately clinging to childhood fantasy as a way to escape the monotony of our nine-to-five work culture and the inevitable extinction of the human race at our own hands. Isn't it wild that this book series was spontaneously created by the gods and has no actual author? Welcome to the show!
Mary-Peyton Crook 00:58
Wow. Am I in therapy right now?
Brooke Matherly 01:01
Did you write that? Surely you wrote that.
Christina Kann 01:04
I wrote that.
Grace Ball 01:05
That was beautiful.
Brooke Matherly 01:06
You know, that was like really good. You should consider writing more. Have you thought about being a writer at all?
Christina Kann 01:11
No. Actually, you're the first person who's ever said that to me.
Brooke Matherly 01:14
I think you have a hidden talent here.
Christina Kann 01:16
Whoa, okay. Wait, I'll think about that, actually, for a little while. I'll think about it. It is my supreme honor to be joined today by my assiduous friend Grace! Say hello to the listeners, Grace.
Grace Ball 01:26
Christina Kann 01:28
It is my most delicious privilege to be joined as well by my astute buddy Brooke. Say hello to the listeners, Brooke.
Brooke Matherly 01:35
I'm so excited that you came up with new adjectives for this season.
Christina Kann 01:38
I wrote them ahead of time and they all mean things that actually describe you.
Mary-Peyton Crook 01:44
Christina Kann 01:47
And, last but never least, it is my most excellent pleasure to be joined by my sardonic pal, Mary-Peyton! Say hello to the listeners, Mary-Peyton.
Mary-Peyton Crook 01:55
You really nailed it. Hello!
Christina Kann 01:56
Hey, we're here! We're recording! I've truly missed this podcast so much. I do think breaks are important, but you know, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And I'm more excited about this podcast than I've ever been in this moment. So thank you guys so much for joining me today. We're doing a little bit of a Goblet of Fire introduction. Not that anyone really needs an introduction. A little bit of like a mail bag, owl mail, Ask Me Anything, just doing a whole lot of hyping up.
Brooke Matherly 02:30
We're here to guzzle from the goblet baby.
Christina Kann 02:33
Yeah, we're just guzzling over here. I'm like actively burping from my Moscow mule as I'm trying to get that line out. So, before we go any further, some housekeeping stuff from over the summer: We have a couple of new patrons that deserve a shoutout. We're super grateful for our patrons. We love them so much. So this one's for you, Anna and Foster. They're awesome. We met them both on our Discord server after they signed up. And we're just like, so grateful to have them as part of our community. So thank you Anna, thank you Foster, for supporting the podcast. It's because of you that we can do cool things, like this season, we're going to start posting transcriptions of every episode to make them more accessible to people who are hard of hearing.
Mary-Peyton Crook 03:16
Brooke Matherly 03:18
Wait wait wait, who reported they had a hard time hearing your voice?
Christina Kann 03:24
Nobody, I'm doing it preemptively. Our patrons help us be able to do really awesome things like that. Speaking of the Patreon, please join us! Support our efforts to be as inclusive as possible by becoming a patron. You can find that link in the show notes. Alright, that's quite enough. We have some really awesome emails from listeners, we have some questions from some of our patrons, and I also have some discussion topics as well. But before we get started, Grace, Mary-Peyton, I know you've read this book a lot. I have also read it a lot. I just wanted to start with getting Brooke's one-minute summary of the Goblet of Fire. Are you up for that, babe?
Brooke Matherly 04:08
Oh, boy. Okay. All right, hold on.
Grace Ball 04:11
If anyone can do this, it's Brooke.
Christina Kann 04:13
Hey, Siri, set a timer for one minute.
One minute counting down.
Brooke Matherly 04:20
Okay, so this . . . Oh, Lord. This book, I haven't read in ages. So this is gonna be primarily me describing the movie, which I have seen far more often, to you. But it's generally that we all arrive at Hogwarts and Dumbledore's like "Hey, spoiler alert: this year, someone else is gonna die. Hey, just kidding. Um, no, seriously, people could die this year. We're doing a whole-ass tournament." And after like a lot of like male ego posturing, the other schools show up. Apparently in all the magical world, there's like one French school full of chicks and there's like one Bulgarian school full of dudes. I already fucked up because I missed the entire beginning where we take a portkey to the whole-ass broom-flying -- Quidditch, that's the word. Man, I'm rusty.
Christina Kann 05:07
Brooke Matherly 05:08
And Death Eater show up and they like burn that ish to the ground. Okay, so now we're back at school, right?
Christina Kann 05:13
Brooke Matherly 05:14
We're like, okay, we're gonna do this whole tournament, we do the tournament. Harry gets stuck in a maze. All of a sudden, he's trying to kiss a girl. No, nevermind. It's Cedric, Cedric's dead, oh, my God, MY BOY!!!
Christina Kann 05:24
Grace Ball 05:25
I think that was pretty good.
Christina Kann 05:26
Yeah, that was one minute. Thank you so much. That's really important context for this episode and for our listeners moving forward. Brooke, do you remember reading this book for the first time?
Brooke Matherly 05:37
Yes. This was the first book where I was old enough and caught up enough with this series where I had been like actually reading along that I got to go to a midnight book release. This was my first Harry Potter midnight book release.
Christina Kann 05:49
And they were like, "Here, child, have some trauma."
Grace Ball 05:52
And you said, "Thank you very much. I'll take it."
Brooke Matherly 05:55
I said, "I'm going to stay up and not sleep and not eat anything until I've read this book."
Grace Ball 05:59
And this is the first long one. So that was a real commitment.
Christina Kann 06:03
It is 730 something pages.
Brooke Matherly 06:07
I mean, it's honestly a good thing that this book came after the books had already gotten successful. Because could you imagine trying to convince a publisher to publish a 700? page? children's book?
Christina Kann 06:19
No, I mean, hard no. At Brandylane, we automatically reject manuscripts of a certain length.
Grace Ball 06:27
We'll check the word count, and then if it's too high, we say "Sorry!"
Christina Kann 06:30
Sorry, we just can't. Awesome. So Mary-Peyton, do you remember reading this for the first time? How do you feel about this book? Where does it rank for you?
Mary-Peyton Crook 06:42
Yeah. Well, whenever someone asks me which is my favorite book, I always say the seventh one, because it wraps everything up. It's so dark. It's so good. But that one I like because it's like the ending one. It makes sense that that is my favorite of the series. This one really is my favorite book on its own. And yeah, I definitely remember reading this for the first time. Of all the books, I think I remember this one the most going to the book release, and the book was huge, like double the size of the one before -- maybe -- wait, how many--? Do we know how many pages--?
Christina Kann 07:17
I think it is possibly like almost three times as long as the previous one. It is absolutely double Book Three.
Mary-Peyton Crook 07:25
Which was just the most exciting thing for me as a kid who was just obsessed with reading anyways.
Christina Kann 07:31
Do y'all remember if we knew ahead of time that it was gonna be so long or if that just really caught everyone off guard?
Brooke Matherly 07:39
I remember being at the party, and whether or not the information was publicly available, I remember the first person getting their book because we could see them in line, and they held it up and they were like, "Oh my god, it's so big."
Mary-Peyton Crook 07:51
A small like, seven year old child is trying to carry this 20 pound book out.
Brooke Matherly 07:56
Notably chunky book.
Mary-Peyton Crook 07:59
I remember hearing that it was going to be that long before getting it. I don't know how or if I'm just making that up. But I do remember hearing that. And I remember staying up way too late on a school night finishing this book, because it was so freakin good.
Christina Kann 08:18
Yeah. It's amazing how fast you can read this book. Here's a little confession time. Here's a little look behind the curtain. I just finished reading this book today, because I'm trying this new thing where I'm really prepared for the podcast that I run. So if I seem freshly traumatized by the story, it's because I absolutely am. It reads so quickly. I was reading like 300 pages of this book in one sitting. It's just absolutely astounding. Grace, what about you? Where does this book fall on your ranking? Do you remember reading it as a kid? What's going on?
Grace Ball 08:55
So I don't know if this was the first time I read it. But I did have it read to me. My step-mom, for some reason, read this book and only this book to us kids.
Christina Kann 09:06
That's a lot of words.
Grace Ball 09:07
So you know, that was kind of cool. I definitely remember her reading like the whole Yule Ball scene. I don't know why.
Christina Kann 09:14
That's really awkward. You were like, "Someone is getting felt up in the bushes right now."
Mary-Peyton Crook 09:20
Grace Ball 09:21
Uh huh. Yeah, again, but this one is definitely my favorite book. So I'm so excited for the reread.
Christina Kann 09:27
Yeah, I mean, it's good. It really is. This is the moment where the author who shall not be named started, I think, really trusting the readers. There is so much that goes on in this book. And also it's the first story that Harry gets caught up in that isn't just because he was meddling. This is happening to him, you know?
Grace Ball 09:51
Christina Kann 09:51
He really doesn't do like almost anything wrong in this whole book. Whereas before, it's like, "Let me go really involve myself in this." So I think also it's the first book where you can kind of actually really root for Harry in a real way.
Grace Ball 10:07
Yeah, I do feel like the whole time you kind of feel bad for Harry.
Christina Kann 10:11
God so bad for him. Every fucking word from cover to cover. From from the womb to the tomb -- Harry, are you okay? God -- and just -- okay. So like I said, freshly traumatized, trying to move on. So let's start with an email from Jim. Hey, Jim, thank you so much for your email. Jim says, "Hey, I noticed how you said that muggleborns in Harry Potter don't always think to use magic immediately. And it reminded me how in Avatar, The Legend of Korra: Book Three" -- Spoiler alert! I'm saying it before I say the spoiler. Spoiler alert for Legend of Korra at the end of it!
Grace Ball 10:52
Brooke Matherly 10:52
Wait, Grace. Have you not seen it?
Grace Ball 10:54
Christina Kann 10:56
Oh, really? Wait, why did I think you had seen a what? Okay, for real. skip ahead to 13 minutes and three seconds, if you would. Mary-Peyton, wait, do you even watch Avatar? I haven't. Okay, well, that's fine. I don't mind spoiling someone who has never seen it.
Grace Ball 11:11
I've never seen Korra, which is a mistake.
Brooke Matherly 11:13
Do you need to abscond yourself for this email?
Grace Ball 11:15
Let me just remove the headphones. Just give me some hand waving when it's okay.
Christina Kann 11:20
Mary-Peyton, do you want to abscond, or are you good?
Mary-Peyton Crook 11:22
I kind of want to because I still want to see it.
Christina Kann 11:25
Alright, take your headphones off.
Mary-Peyton Crook 11:26
We're just gonna stare at you the whole time, though.
Christina Kann 11:28
It's not a question. It's just a cute little parallel. Bye. Bye, everyone. Wow, I thought that I had calculated this correctly, and I had not. Okay. Jim says, "I noticed how you said that muggleborns in Harry Potter don't always think to use magic immediately. And it reminded me how in Legend of Korra: Book Three, the new airbenders behave similarly, where they don't always have the immediate instinct to use their newfound abilities and instead opt for more elaborate plans and maneuvers to escape trouble. I thought that was a very interesting parallel.
Brooke Matherly 11:58
That is interesting. I mean, do we really see that play out as much in Harry Potter as we do in Legend of Korra?
Christina Kann 12:07
The one thing I'm thinking of is when Hermione is like "Light of fire? But there's no wood!" and Ron has to be like "Are you witch or not?"
Brooke Matherly 12:16
Christina Kann 12:17
One really aggressive example.
Brooke Matherly 12:19
But that's like a dropping the ball example. I was wondering if there's like an opposite, you know, where it's a thing where it's like, Hey, we're gonna like . . . I don't know. I guess it's always dropping the ball if you're not thinking to use magic first.
Christina Kann 12:30
Yeah. And it's also hard with our characters because Ron is such a dunce and Hermione is so sharp, you know? So it's not the perfect example of a wizardborn to muggleborn situation.
Brooke Matherly 12:41
I would like to see more Harry moments. If I could have the series rewritten, I'd like to see more Harry moments of Harry really adjusting to life at Hogwarts because quite frankly, he accepts magic very quickly and falls right into it. He doesn't seem to have any muggle instincts.
Christina Kann 12:57
He's just really ready for like anything different.
Brooke Matherly 12:59
Christina Kann 13:00
Okay. I'm going to call the girls back.
Brooke Matherly 13:01
Christina Kann 13:04
Okay, great. And so that's how Sokka ends up killing Katara at the end, and it's like really sad.
Grace Ball 13:10
Christina Kann 13:11
I'm just kidding! That would never happen. Not my Sokka.
Grace Ball 13:27
Christina Kann 13:28
Okay, here's our next email. Okay, are there any spoilers here? Okay. This is from Foster, one of our new patrons and one of our new friends on the Discord. Hi, Foster, thank you for the email. Foster sent us a list of questions that we may want to discuss.
Brooke Matherly 13:44
A list of questions is not a thing I'm particularly optimistic about, I'm not gonna lie.
Christina Kann 13:50
I did solicit lists of questions from our listeners.
Grace Ball 13:54
So they're following instructions.
Christina Kann 13:55
Foster was following my explicit directions. In fact, I posted in the Discord I got this email from Foster approximately 15 minutes later. God bless Foster.
Grace Ball 14:04
Foster's the MVP.
Brooke Matherly 14:05
Foster, I apologize. You did so well. Good job.
Christina Kann 14:09
Okay, Foster asks, "What has been your least favorite chapter so far?"
Grace Ball 14:16
Of of all of them?
Christina Kann 14:17
Yeah. Let's say in the first three books.
Grace Ball 14:20
Well, Brooke's is going to be a Quidditch chapter.
Brooke Matherly 14:22
Yes, that's exactly where I was going. The first time he plays Quidditch and catches the Snitch in his mouth is truly just the worst chapter to read.
Christina Kann 14:33
And let's say least favorite chapter, not least favorite episode, because we have had on some really excellent guests for some really bad chapters because they make up for the bad chapters.
Brooke Matherly 14:42
Oh, God. Yes. The only reason we have ever been able to do an interesting Quidditch chapter is because of Adal Rifai.
Christina Kann 14:51
God bless Adal.
Brooke Matherly 14:53
Respect on his name, God bless him.
Christina Kann 14:55
Any other least favorite chapters?
Grace Ball 14:56
I think all of the first chapters so far have been pretty weak, and that's why I'm excited about this first chapter, because it is not weak.
Christina Kann 15:04
Spoiler alert. The second chapter sucks worse than they usually do.
Grace Ball 15:09
Oh no, I don't remember that.
Christina Kann 15:12
Well, because it's literally just like okay, let's put this cool chapter first and then it's like, okay, well the next chapter is *scathing* "HARRY POTTER WAS A VERY UNSUAL BOY."
Mary-Peyton Crook 15:22
Yeah, this one, the second chapter is what's normally the first chapter where it's reminding us where we are in case you decided to start with book four in a series.
Brooke Matherly 15:33
Could you imagine starting with book four, getting super super into this first cool chapter -- cuz this is the one that starts with like Nagini and the dude --
Christina Kann 15:42
Yeah, right. Nagini and the dude is the name of my grunge band, actually.
Mary-Peyton Crook 15:47
That's the name of my OnlyFans.
Grace Ball 15:51
Mary-Peyton Crook 15:53
Yes, Brooke, but I see where you're going.
Brooke Matherly 15:55
You know like to be like, hey, actually, I did just decide to pick this up a book four and see how it goes. And you're like, "Oh, this is dope as hell" and then the second chapter is *scathingly* "Harry Potter is a very special boy."
Christina Kann 16:06
*scathing* He has some cakes in his floorboards.
Brooke Matherly 16:09
*scathing* You may think this is just a normal boy, but I already told you he's special. Do you want to know how he's special? He's *magic*
Grace Ball 16:15
There is a real possibility that Mats started with book four and I don't even remember if that's true but he definitely read them all out of order.
Christina Kann 16:23
I wrote it down somewhere in the order that he -- I think he started with book five actually.
Grace Ball 16:28
I think he did.
Christina Kann 16:29
If I remember correctly. Catch Mats on our next week's episode covering Chapter One of Goblet of Fire, me, Haley, and Mats. Um, yeah, I would have to agree that my least favorite chapter so far would be the Chamber of Secrets or Prisoner of Azkaban first chapter, I would have to re-examine them to remember which one is worse because they are so deeply forgettable.
Grace Ball 16:50
Christina Kann 16:51
Mary-Peyton, what about you?
Mary-Peyton Crook 16:53
I mean, probably the the intro chapters would be my -- I mean, that would just make sense. I love the chapters about just like general school, like their classes and stuff. The ones that like harp on the Draco Harry rivalry, when they really harp on it, like a like a teenager would, you know, like or a preteen would, just talking about other classmates over and over.
Christina Kann 17:22
Okay, next Foster asks, What is our favorite chapter so far? I know it's that one's harder. I mean, I really love the whole climax several chapters in a row of Prisoner of Azkaban. I really like when they're learning everything, and they're creeping around in like the Halloween dark -- even though it's June, it's very Halloweeny. So I would say one of those; I'm not sure exactly which.
Brooke Matherly 17:53
Ugh, is this the right time for me to admit that I don't like Harry Potter?
Christina Kann 17:58
Wow, how do I say this? You are fired.
Brooke Matherly 18:03
Okay, I was I was I hired at any point?
Grace Ball 18:07
Yeah, you were interviewed for this position. What?
Brooke Matherly 18:12
My general demeanor is my interview for this position.
Christina Kann 18:16
That's true. It's true.
Brooke Matherly 18:17
Y'all need someone who is going to button with an "actually" at every given opportunity, and that is the role that I fill. Haley and I trade off that responsibility.
Christina Kann 18:31
Yeah, any other notable favorite chapters?
Grace Ball 18:33
Probably like all the other ones.
Christina Kann 18:35
Okay, the ones besides the first ones.
Grace Ball 18:37
Brooke Matherly 18:37
I really like the chapter as we're exiting the Chamber of Secrets because it's like relief after relief after relief.
Christina Kann 18:45
When he finds Ron and Fawkes carries them away.
Brooke Matherly 18:49
Yes, and then they see their parents and Fawkes is there and everything. Interspaced throughout all of this is just Gilderoy Lockhart being a damn dumbass in the back, like, "Who am I? Where are we?"
Mary-Peyton Crook 19:00
Can I talk about one from the this book?
Brooke Matherly 19:04
No, so far.
Christina Kann 19:10
Just to clarify, Foster did say so far.
Mary-Peyton Crook 19:15
Okay. Well, then I don't know. I guess it's more based on events that happened, but like, so far I really love when Harry is at the lake and he realizes that it's him who casts the Patonus and not his father that pops out. He just does it so quickly, without really any thought, he realizes he's the only one who's here to do this thing.
Christina Kann 19:43
Mary-Peyton Crook 19:44
Man, I just love that moment. So much.
Grace Ball 19:46
I also really love the chapter where Harry's in the Forbidden Forest and he has that interaction with Firenze.
Christina Kann 19:54
Oh, yeah, that is a great one.
Grace Ball 19:56
I really like that one.
Christina Kann 19:57
Yeah, it's one of those that has so many more layers in the book than it does in the movies.
Grace Ball 20:05
Yeah. And it all makes so much more sense once you've read the rest of the books, and it's like, wow, the seeds were planted.
Christina Kann 20:13
Brooke Matherly 20:15
My favorite thing about that chapter is it inspired a conversation that has resulted in me having a half-nude picture of me as a centaur hung up next to my desk in my bedroom.
Christina Kann 20:25
That's also my favorite part of that chapter. Weird.
Grace Ball 20:29
I just connect so much with that chapter, I don't know why.
Brooke Matherly 20:33
My favorite thing -- when I read in public with the bookmark that is me as a centaur, I always feel like I have to flip it over. I've had people see me take it out of the book before and just kind of like doubletake.
Christina Kann 20:49
Just imagine having to explain it.
Brooke Matherly 20:51
Do you have a centaur pinup picture of yourself on your bookmark?
Christina Kann 20:56
Full NSFW? Oh, no, the bookmark --
Brooke Matherly 20:59
The bookmark, I have pasties.
Christina Kann 21:01
Technically pasties. Although you would still get some weird looks if you whipped that out at work.
Brooke Matherly 21:07
Christina Kann 21:10
Foster next asks, "If this series had to be written from another character's perspective, who would you choose?" And Foster personally chooses Luna Lovegood.
Brooke Matherly 21:22
Aw, that's an awesome choice. I don't know that the story would have enough cohesive elements if it was written through Luna's perspective.
Grace Ball 21:29
That'd be okay, though. I feel like that would be fine.
Mary-Peyton Crook 21:32
I feel like that would be one of the most different vibes from Harry that you can possibly get.
Christina Kann 21:37
Why is this like an abstract purple as hell magical realism book suddenly? Like this is not the same tone at all.
Mary-Peyton Crook 21:45
You wouldn't know whether things were really happening or if they were just in her mind.
Christina Kann 21:49
Mary-Peyton Crook 21:50
That'd be pretty cool, actually.
Christina Kann 21:52
Unreliable narrator. Maybe we all choose what you choose, Foster.
Brooke Matherly 21:55
I think I would like a Wicked-style rendition where it is either Crabbe or Goyle's perspective of them actually doing all the things that Malfoy gets credited with in the background.
Christina Kann 22:07
Oh my gosh, that's funny. I was gonna say Malfoy. I think that would be really interesting to see kind of his whole ... I mean, he's really terrible to Harry, but like, I mean, his life is also terrible. So yeah. Any other ideas? Any other wise ideas?
Grace Ball 22:23
I have a wise idea.
Christina Kann 22:25
You always do, Little Miss Ravenclaw.
Grace Ball 22:27
How about Neville Longbottom?
Christina Kann 22:29
That would be a good one. That's almost kind of like Wayne from Puffs. Sorry to keep bringing up puffs.
Grace Ball 22:38
No, I love it.
Christina Kann 22:39
It's from the Hufflepuff perspective. Neville, I understand is not a Hufflepuff, but like, isn't he?
Grace Ball 22:46
Brooke Matherly 22:47
He's got big puff energy.
Grace Ball 22:49
Brooke Matherly 22:50
Yeah. I'm really distracted because Haley's texting the group chat about Cats. I'm gonna turn my phone over. You would think that we had actually harmed her by making her watch that movie.
Grace Ball 23:05
Oh, I didn't realize we were talking about that cats, not real cats.
Christina Kann 23:07
Yeah, Cats 2019, sorry.
Grace Ball 23:09
I got you.
Christina Kann 23:11
If you could design a Triwizard Tournament challenge, what would you choose? Giant chess.
Grace Ball 23:20
I was gonna say the potions one but --
Brooke Matherly 23:22
Oh, yeah, the potions from the first one is a good option.
Christina Kann 23:27
Cedric would be out because he's really nice and brave and cool, but he is not super smart.
Brooke Matherly 23:36
I think I would do something -- I mean, this is just me being dumb -- but I would love to have them all come into a room like fully prepped and then it's just a bunch of like Sudoku puzzles.
Christina Kann 23:50
Mary-Peyton Crook 23:52
Yeah, I would love some sort of muggle task.
Christina Kann 23:57
Mary-Peyton Crook 23:58
Yeah. Oh my god.
Christina Kann 24:05
I wish I could take some of my skill points out of Minesweeper and put them into like, hand-eye coordination or like volume control. I am so I'm unreasonably good at Minesweeper.
Brooke Matherly 24:18
I would also like to see a wizard version of it like a triathlon or maybe they have to like run and then swim through the lake without getting eaten by anything and then like fly a crazy course around all the turrets of Hogwarts castle.
Christina Kann 24:31
I love that. Or how about like a roller derby?
Mary-Peyton Crook 24:35
Brooke Matherly 24:36
Yeah, I could see that.
Mary-Peyton Crook 24:37
What about like a Hunger Games situation?
Christina Kann 24:39
Oh, Hunger Games, fight to the death.
Grace Ball 24:42
That's what they're doing!
Brooke Matherly 24:44
Actually, I just remembered that Lupin did that whole dark arts obstacle course for them at the end of Book 3. I want to just see a dark arts obstacle course.
Christina Kann 24:52
Okay, cool. These are some good ideas.
Grace Ball 24:54
I was thinking just like debate. You know? What are everybody's political views? You know what I mean?
Mary-Peyton Crook 25:01
Typical Ravenclaw right there.
Christina Kann 25:03
I mean, the scoring system is just absolutely fucked because two of the five judges for the Triwizard Tournament are running your competing schools. So it's like, sure, let it be super subjective because you could do it perfectly and still get a bad score.
Brooke Matherly 25:19
Also, debate feels really unfair considering two of the other three people are going to be doing English as a second language for the debate. That's true. Okay. Never mind. It's a terrible idea.
Christina Kann 25:31
First of all, wow, Florida, like core Fleur Delacour would turn on the Veela charm for that, and also Viktor Krum is so awkward. He's so awkward. He probably would just be like "I fold" and walk away.
Grace Ball 25:43
It would be entertaining, though, at the very least.
Christina Kann 25:45
Just Harry and Fleur kind of getting into it, snd then Cedric really calm, cool, and collected in the middle. Krum has tapped out.
Grace Ball 25:54
I just feel like Harry would be so silly in a debate setting.
Mary-Peyton Crook 25:59
Yeah, he would handle that pressure well, at all.
Christina Kann 26:02
No need to call me sir. Professor.
Grace Ball 26:05
He'd be like, "Uh, Hermione?"
Mary-Peyton Crook 26:08
Can I get a sub?
Christina Kann 26:09
"Can I phone a friend?" They're like, "What's a phone?"
Grace Ball 26:12
Oh, yeah. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Who Wants to Be a Triwizard Champion?
Christina Kann 26:20
Okay, Foster's next question. Thank you so much for all these excellent questions. Foster. Foster asks, "If you could turn into a magical creature, what would it be?"
Brooke Matherly 26:32
Literally a centaur.
Christina Kann 26:36
Yeah, I don't know if this is like animagus status, which like, I don't think you can turn into like another sentience creature.
Brooke Matherly 26:46
I mean, animals are sentient.
Christina Kann 26:49
Brooke Matherly 26:52
Christina Kann 26:53
Doesn't "sentient" mean that you're aware that you're aware?
Brooke Matherly 26:57
Yeah, I feel like dogs clear that bar.
Christina Kann 27:01
Well, I'm googling "define sentience," but I think that that's one of those things that's like a philosophical question.
Grace Ball 27:07
Christina Kann 27:07
I'm going to go ahead and see Webster's real quick.
Grace Ball 27:09
Brooke Matherly 27:11
If I have to turn into an animal, like an animal animal, then actually I would love to be a poisonous spider. I feel like that would be very useful as an animagus. And it's not necessarily a magical creature. But I think the act of turning into it is magical. So...
Christina Kann 27:30
First of all, how dare Merriam-Webster's define "sentience" as "a sentient quality or state"? I'm mad and I quit.
Grace Ball 27:39
Christina Kann 27:41
I'd probably be a dog. Or like a like a lynx. Like a medium-sized furry pawed, four-pawed -- just like run around, romp around.
Mary-Peyton Crook 27:50
Does it have to be a magical creature?
Christina Kann 27:52
I don't think so.
Grace Ball 27:54
Oh, I thought you said magical.
Brooke Matherly 27:55
He did say magical creature.
Christina Kann 27:56
OH, they did say magical creature. Okay, I guess when I read this, because I just finished reading Goblet of Fire, I was thinking Animagus, so Brooke I actually will allow the centaur.
Brooke Matherly 28:08
Good. Chop my bottom half off; it's not my best half. Replace it with a horse and I am rolling.
Christina Kann 28:18
Okay then I would like to be I would like to be the erumpet from Fantastic Beasts. You know, the big lumpy thing? She's so cute.
Grace Ball 28:34
Aw, she's a good one. I kind of want to be a dragon.
Brooke Matherly 28:40
Do you have a species of dragon?
Grace Ball 28:44
Christina Kann 28:45
You would be a nice Swedish Shortsnout or the Welsh Green. You know? Something kind of mellow. You're not a Norwegian Ridgeback.
Mary-Peyton Crook 28:54
What about a Spirited Away type dragon? Like a Falchor-type doggish dragon.
Grace Ball 29:03
Yeah, I'll take it.
Mary-Peyton Crook 29:04
I was thinking about saying dragon because I would definitely want to be anything that flies. So as long as it flies. And for some reason what's coming to my mind is the -- this isn't a magical creature, but the giant Golden Eagle from The Rescuers Down Under. Do y'all remember that movie?
Grace Ball 29:20
Mary-Peyton Crook 29:20
I don't know, I think I watched it at a time when I was a kid where I was just like obsessed with it.
Christina Kann 29:23
I forgot to think of any magical creatures outside this canon.
Mary-Peyton Crook 29:28
That's probably what Foster meant, honestly. But just like some sort of giant bird.
Christina Kann 29:34
Yeah. The Eagles.
Mary-Peyton Crook 29:37
Yeah, yes, the Eagles. Capital E.
Brooke Matherly 29:40
Once again, real animal. Haast Eagle is what you want to be. It's extinct now. Everyone must look them up. I don't know if I've brought it up on this podcast.
Christina Kann 29:50
You have, and I think we've linked in the show notes, but I'll link it again. Now they are actually terrifying. They are actually straight-up the Lord of the Rings Eagles, but the ones from Lord of the Rings are magical. So I'll allow it. Okay, last question . . . from Foster. There's a lot more questions. What do you think the wizard drug world is like? That is super interesting.
Mary-Peyton Crook 30:15
Christina Kann 30:17
I've never read really a fantasy book that was edgy. I've read a lot of science fiction books that were edgy in this way where there's like, lots of cool -- "Let me download some malware to my brain microchip and like, trip out for the afternoon," but I've never really encountered like dope, cool fantasy drugs. Have y'all? Or do you have any ideas?
Brooke Matherly 30:39
So here's the thing. I feel like the line of what's a drug is gonna be really hard to establish in Harry Potter. Because when you think about the things that muggles do drugs for -- for example, hallucinogens are a category of drug. Right?
Christina Kann 30:56
Brooke Matherly 30:57
What's the difference between a hallucinogen and being able to eat a candy where your head literally turns into a fire hydrant or some shit? You know what I mean? They have a lot of things that have like wild bodily effects that are considered to be playthings and not drugs.
Christina Kann 31:14
That's true. I think that the difference would be like those are novelties and I would probably be looking for something that's more of like a feeling than like a physical reaction.
Grace Ball 31:26
There is that charm. What's it called? It's not the Cheer--
Mary-Peyton Crook 31:28
The Cheering Charm.
Grace Ball 31:29
Oh, I was like the Cheer-up Charm. That's not right.
Christina Kann 31:31
Yeah the Cheering Charm.
Brooke Matherly 31:32
Christina Kann 31:34
They're just like straight rolling after they kind of fuck up the Cheering Charms. They're like rolling for straight hours.
Grace Ball 31:40
Ron's just laughing for days.
Christina Kann 31:41
He's just laughing! He's like, this is super inappropriate right now.
Mary-Peyton Crook 31:45
I feel like it would be very similar to the muggle world of drugs, because wizards are still technically humans, so they're still gonna want and be greedy about feeling good, as much as possible. And whether it comes in like a charm form or a pill form, I think it would be the same as here.
Brooke Matherly 32:09
But there's just so many things that were already introduced to in the books. Even like Felix Felicis and stuff like that, where it's just like--
Christina Kann 32:16
That should be classified as a drug.
Grace Ball 32:18
I think so.
Brooke Matherly 32:18
They just don't seem to raise to that level in the wizarding world. Emotional effects of potions and charms and objects is not considered to be an experimental or like weird thing like right. Everybody just kind of like is fine with altering their moods through liquids.
Christina Kann 32:38
Give me a wizard psychologist who studies this stuff.
Brooke Matherly 32:44
I think maybe it's because they know exactly who made it. I don't know; if you know your meth dealer, you probably feel better about it. Right? How does meth work?
Christina Kann 32:54
I have spoken about many a drug on this podcast, but I can guarantee I do not know how meth works. I haven't --
Grace Ball 33:03
I've watched Breaking Bad, okay?
Christina Kann 33:04
I was just about to say, I haven't even seen Breaking Bad.
Grace Ball 33:08
Okay, well, I got you there girl.
Brooke Matherly 33:09
All right, Grace. Tell us: how does meth work?
Grace Ball 33:11
What? Well, first of all, you have to be a chemistry teacher.
Christina Kann 33:16
Um, one thing I know for sure is that the wizarding world drug world would probably be as sexist as our contemporary muggle drug world.
Grace Ball 33:26
Christina Kann 33:27
Thank you so much for your questions. Foster. That was a lot of really fun discussion. And we appreciate your patronage and your email as always. Our next email is from Adele. I think Adele sent me this approximately one day after we stopped the last season and I was like, "Okay, well, I'm gonna save this. I'm gonna use this someday." I think this email is what made me be like, "Hey, maybe we should do a mail episode." So thank you, Adele. Adele says "Hi, The Restricted Section crew. I've had so much fun listening to you all cover my favorite book in the series. And watching the movie alongside you all was such a blast. Haley, you and I will have to work out some sort of compromise on who gets to screw the Sphinx in the Goblet of Fire. Speaking of my least favorite Harry Potter book, I thought it would be fun to ask you all: What is your favorite of the three upcoming Triwizard tasks/which one are you most looking forward to covering and why? Looking forward to hearing more Restricted Section shenanigans on the sports book, where she who must not be named started ignoring her editor and added in crazy, unnecessary worldbuilding. I'm such a fan of this podcast and of the people who make it happen. Love Adele." Adele, we are such a huge fan of you. And thank you so much for this email. Which of the three Triwizard tests are you most looking forward to covering?
Brooke Matherly 34:49
I mean, you'd have to be in actual sadist to choose the maze, right?
Christina Kann 34:54
Yes, cuz it's boring and then terrible.
Grace Ball 34:57
Brooke Matherly 34:58
So I like the lake.
Grace Ball 35:00
Yeah, oh, well, same.
Christina Kann 35:02
I like the lake too.
Grace Ball 35:04
It's a great choice, Brooke. I really respect it.
Brooke Matherly 35:06
You know what, Grace, great choice for you too. I really like what the answer does and says about you as a person, that you're really intelligent and you understand this series at the core.
Grace Ball 35:15
And like I'm a water sign, so --
Brooke Matherly 35:17
Oh my god, same.
Christina Kann 35:18
Oh my God, same. Oh my god. We did this. We did a bonus episode about houses and horoscopes. All of the women on this podcast are water signs, including Mary Clay, who won't tell us her birthday, and we decided that she's a ... Gemini?
Mary-Peyton Crook 35:33
I think so.
Brooke Matherly 35:34
Does this sound cool to you? If you're a patron, you can listen to it.
Christina Kann 35:39
Grace Ball 35:40
We really sold that, didn't we?
Brooke Matherly 35:42
Was that an ad?
Christina Kann 35:44
I actually really do enjoy the maze in the books. It is so stressful, so deeply stressful, knowing what is coming at the end of it, but the chapter itself is a lot more exciting in the books. A lot more stuff happens. When you play D&D, when you're like walking from point A to point B, your dungeon master will roll for encounter to see if you run into like any random fuck and then pick a monster at random -- and that's what the maze feels like. "I don't know, just whatever we got. Throw it it em. Let's see." Some of its like, we never learned about it in the whole series. We're just like, "What the fuck is that thing? I don't know. That was scary!" So I like it. I like the vibe. I like that when they walk into it. It like gets silent and scary.
Brooke Matherly 36:32
Does the spinx existing and doing riddles indicate that Oedipus Rex is part of the Harry Potter extended universe?
Christina Kann 36:40
Wow. I think it just means that JK Rowling read Tolkien and was like, "How do I get a riddle in here for my stupidest character?"
Grace Ball 36:52
That much is clear. She certainly read Tolkien.
Brooke Matherly 36:56
I would like to instead assume that this was an early race of magical people in Oedipus Rex, and that Oedipus Rex was similar to Harry/Neville situation, cursed by his prophecy, except that they hadn't invented the Hall of Prophecies yet for keeping these things from people until the correct moments, and so they just spit them out at people and he's just wandering through the world trying to make sense of it.
Christina Kann 37:23
Wow. What a nightmare to just have prophecy spat at your face.
Brooke Matherly 37:29
Worse or better than fucking your mother and killing your father?
Christina Kann 37:36
Mary-Peyton, what about you? Which of the tasks are you most excited to revisit?
Mary-Peyton Crook 37:40
I think, because the dragon one is more like a Quidditch chapter kind of, it gets a little annoying, I would have to say the lake too.
Christina Kann 37:54
Mary-Peyton Crook 37:55
Because whoever wrote it, whoever wrote these books, did a great job of making you really panic and thinking that if Harry doesn't save everyone, they will die. I remember feeling that. And now whenever I reread it or watch the movie, it's so obvious that they wouldn't die down there. They wouldn't let them drown down there. But you feel panicked with him.
Christina Kann 38:18
Brooke Matherly 38:19
I still don't know that that's true.
Mary-Peyton Crook 38:22
Oh, that they wouldn't let him die?
Brooke Matherly 38:24
Yeah, no, I think Hogwarts would absolutely wait and -- I don't think they would intentionally let them die. I think they would like wait for everyone to come up and be like, "Did we forget a kid in the lake?"
Mary-Peyton Crook 38:34
They forget one of them. Yeah.
Christina Kann 38:36
That is super valid, Mary-Peyton. That's an example, I think, of a way that Harry's an unreliable narrator, because he builds this scene in which he has no other choice, but he does, and when they break the surface Ron calls him a stupid prat or something for even considering that this was his responsibility.
Mary-Peyton Crook 38:59
it really felt so heroic at that time. And of course, obviously, Dumbledore thought it was heroic too, because he gave him more points. But yeah, you realize how dumb it is at the end, but you're still totally in it with him.
Christina Kann 39:12
Yeah, absolutely. So here's some additional questions from Adele that she sent us via the Discord. Adele says "Many people mentioned the fourth book as the moment when the series becomes for young adult readers with more maturity rather than for children. Are you looking forward to the tonal shift in the series? And if so, why do you think Goblet of Fire and future books still have any of that childish whimsy and if not, will you miss it?" Great question, Adele. What do we think?
Mary-Peyton Crook 39:41
I am so excited for that tonal shift. I love that part. And what we were talking about earlier, remembering the first time we read this. I remember specifically, it was like three in the morning, and I was in my room that I currently shared with my little sister, and everyone was asleep, obviously. Getting to the part where it shifts to the graveyard. It was scary because it was like so quiet in my house, and it became so dark, and I was wrapped up, I think, in a way that was different than the first three books, even though those were really engaging. It was just something more magical to me.
Christina Kann 40:19
Well, and also the climax resolution of the first three books -- I mean, Sorcerer's Stone and Chamber of Secret -- that's like three chapters, maybe? Prisoner of Azkaban, it's maybe four or five? But the resolution of Goblet of Fire is like 10 straight chapters.
Mary-Peyton Crook 40:34
Christina Kann 40:34
Mary-Peyton Crook 40:35
Grace Ball 40:36
And I think that is an important thing that's missing from the movie. The movie, it just goes from Cedric's death to -- oop, next day, and I guess everyone's sad, but mostly fine. But the book just really spends a lot of time on that. And I think that's really awesome.
Christina Kann 40:56
I mean, I read this this morning. The book drags so much in a way that is very well done between when Harry gets back from the graveyard and when it ends. It is agonizing. And something that I really appreciate is they show Dumbledore and Fudge breaking up in the books. And like in the movies, it's just kind of like, "Well, what do you expect? It's a politician and an educator. They don't see eye to eye ever." But there's like a very realistic, actual breakup. And I think that's a really important part of that denouement, as well. And also, don't even get me started on this Sirius situation. I know. No, I know. Dumbledore is like "Madame Pomfrey, this dog's going to accompany Harry to the hospital wing." And I just wish that when I wasn't feeling good, I could just summon a very well behaved dog to snuggle me, you know?
Brooke Matherly 41:51
I don't even necessarily see it as a tonal shift. I like the later books so much more than the early books that when I think back on this series, they all have this tone to me.
Christina Kann 42:02
Brooke Matherly 42:04
I find elements of the tone of the later books in the earlier books more than vice versa.
Christina Kann 42:11
That's a very interesting perspective. You know, apart from the darker tone, we also get more nuanced humor throughout this book, which is so enjoyable, and that really only escalates. I think maybe book seven's like a little bit of an exception, everyone's dying, we're on the run. But the humor to me gets so much more fun. I remember also being a kid and I learned a lot of words from Goblet of Fire, where I don't think the previous three books really taught me a lot of vocabulary. But I, for some reason, really specifically, remember a couple words that I learned from this.
Grace Ball 42:47
I'm excited for the tonal shift too. And I think that what's really cool about this book is that I just think following this book, it becomes so much more character-driven. And I don't know if that's like to do with the tone necessarily, but I think that it is at least kind of, and that's just something I really, really enjoyed through the rest of the series.
Christina Kann 43:10
Yeah, I think hand-in-hand with that as well, I do really enjoy when the romance starts happening, because it's all so bad. Like there's no good, healthy, saccharine, like "Please, that's enough of this, like straight white romance" -- there's like none of that. It's like all so awkward and bad the whole time. Like every romantic encounter is just like so god awful.
Grace Ball 43:35
That's the humor you were talking about.
Christina Kann 43:36
Yes! I love it so much.
Brooke Matherly 43:38
That's also like what this period of your life is.
Christina Kann 43:41
Brooke Matherly 43:43
Christina Kann 43:43
Absolutely. Adele's next question. "Also, what is your favorite side character introduced in Goblet of Fire? Potential candidates include Winky, Ludo Bagman, Krum." I know some of those may not sound familiar to you, Brooke. Adele goes on to say "We know my answer. I've said it before. I'll say it again. #BerthaJorkinsDeservedBetter." I'm gonna second Bertha jerkins because y'all know I love a well-intentioned idiot who fucks up and everyone hates her, she's the underdog now. I am here for that bitch.
Mary-Peyton Crook 44:14
She's the one that like disappears, right?
Christina Kann 44:17
She disappears -- oh weird -- in the last known hiding spot of Lord Voldemort and let's never look into that. That's probably nothing.
Brooke Matherly 44:25
I love to hate Rita Skeeter. I will say as the books progress, we get so many better bad guys. Up until now, Voldemort's just kind of been like looming in the shadows. And there's like one very clear, big bad at the end of everything. And we start to get these really fun, intensely detestable bad guys in the later books, you know, like Umbridge, Rita Skeeter. That is the thing that I really enjoy.
Christina Kann 44:56
That's a great point. And now that you brought that up, there are so many bad guys and they're all such different characters. The spectrum from Snape to like -- I'm like, who's even -- like Bellatrix and Fenrir Greyback, and like you said, Umbridge. Even considering Snape's ending, I still consider him to be a nuanced bad guy, you know what I mean? Like, there are some really cool characters that crop up in this. And then there's some characters who are just forever neutral, you know? Kind of like Snape. It's like, are you a good guy? Are you a bad guy? In the end, you're just a guy. And that's part of the story. Or like, fucking Mundungus Fletcher, where it's like, are you a good guy? Technically, but you're kind of a bad guy.
Brooke Matherly 45:42
We also get away from the kind of meddling childish bad guys, people like Filch, where it's like, he's just trying to do his damn job. You know what I mean? That's such a hallmark of children's books because adults in positions of annoying authority that keep you from living your dreams are an easy to go to bad guy. But as the books mature, you get actual bad people thrown in there and we kind of move away a little bit from Peeves being the worst thing that happened to you that week.
Grace Ball 46:17
Yeah, I think Adele bringing up Winky is good. I am excited to revisit the whole house elves situation.
Christina Kann 46:29
Grace Ball 46:30
This is where that whole thing starts. Yeah, spew starts. Hermione. Oh, Hermione. Oh, girl.
Christina Kann 46:37
The book stylizes it. When Hermione is talking, it's in all capitals with punctuation marks like a proper acronym, but when other people are saying it, it's all lowercase. Always in italics every time because everyone's always like *disgusted* "Spew."
Grace Ball 46:56
Her intentions are so good. That's just like, wow.
Christina Kann 46:59
Yeah, it's also just another example of how JK Rowling, the author -- I'll say her name -- because she hates women, dude. Mike said at once in like chapter two of Sorcerer's Stone, and I just have not stopped thinking about it since. She hates her female character so much. And it's like, "Look at this stupid nagging idiot" the whole book. It's like, "How silly does she look right now?"
Grace Ball 47:23
Christina Kann 47:24
Not great. Mary-Peyton, what about you?
Mary-Peyton Crook 47:28
I was gonna say Winky because I love her. The poor thing is so torn and like, almost tortured the whole time. And she's so cute. I don't know. I mean, I think you guys kind of nailed it. There are so many new characters in this one of so many different levels of likeability and good and bad and apathetic. I think it goes with the tonal shift -- the the idea of good and evil kind of shifts to this like more adult version of it.
Christina Kann 48:02
It's a gradient rather than a binary.
Mary-Peyton Crook 48:06
Yeah, and we start to realize that often the people that cause the most harm are the people who are either avoidant, like Fudge, you know, trying to pretend like everything's fine. People who are apathetic. You know, that those things can do the most damage.
Christina Kann 48:27
Thank you so much, Adele, for all of your questions in your email. We love you a lot. Hey, girl. Email from Mats! Mats says, "Hello there. So I've been listening to the podcast lately, and I keep thinking about Tom Riddle's diary. Do you think Lucius Malfoy wrote in it before planting it on Ginny? 'Dear Tom, Lately, I've been contemplating cutting my hair short. Narcissa got mad at me and said that it's just my midlife crisis talking. What do I do? Please help me, Tom. Best wishes, Lucius'." Mats goes on, "I like to imagine part of the reason why he had to get rid of it was that Narcissa got mad at him for spending more time with the diary than with her. Also, what if Gilderoy Lockhart had picked it up in the bathroom instead of Harry? Don't you think he'd write in it? If so, what would he write? The most vain, self-absorbed shit like how we see him for most of the series? Or the darkest secrets he has? Like all the things we know he did? Also also, am I the only one who feels like picturing Voldemort writing in this diary immediately makes him a lot less threatening and intimidating. Anyway, thank you all for being awesome. I love this podcast. It truly is the highlight of my week. I have the honor to be at your obedient servant, M dot Fur." Well Mats, this podcast is going to be the highlight of my weekend because I'm recording a beautiful episode with you. This is a lot of really good, hilarious points about the diary. Guys, any thoughts, feelings?
Brooke Matherly 49:54
I think that Lucius would have absolutely written in the diary, but I think it would just be like horrible fanboy questions. Like "Hey Tom" -- because he knew what this was -- being like "Hey Tom. So like, what's your favorite color? Do you have a favorite food? Like do you like spring or fall?"
Christina Kann 50:11
"Do you think it makes me less badass of a Death Eater if I go for this pumpkin spice latte?"
Grace Ball 50:18
"Do you think my hair looks box died?"
Christina Kann 50:22
Mary-Peyton Crook 50:23
And then later, with like anyone else in the real world, he brings it up all the time. He's like, "Oh my god, Tom was so funny today."
Brooke Matherly 50:33
And I once again want to reiterate one of my favorite, darkest fan theories that we came up with on the podcast about Gilderoy Lockhart, is that he is secretly gay. And when he sleeps with men, he tells them all his dark secrets and then he Obliviates them afterward. And that's how he purges it from his system.
Mary-Peyton Crook 50:49
I hate that theory.
Brooke Matherly 50:50
It's not a good theory in that it's like fun, but it's a great theory in that you can immediately see it.
Christina Kann 50:57
Okay, it's not it's not fun, though, from like a storytelling perspective. Okay, here's Mats' next question that he asked in the Discord. If you had to choose one Harry Potter spinoff series that you wanted to be made, what would you choose? And I would choose like a Casanova-type Lockhart series where he's burdened with being the protagonist, so he has to like change slightly and take action, you know?
Grace Ball 51:20
Mhm. I like that. My theory for Gilderoy writing in the diary, though, is that he doesn't write anything. He just sketches self portraits. And that's it.
Christina Kann 51:35
They all look like Greco Roman statues of himself.
Mary-Peyton Crook 51:39
I was gonna say stick figures.
Brooke Matherly 51:43
Does that mean that Tom Riddle writes back art critiques?
Christina Kann 51:46
"I don't know how to say this... Your nose is a lot bigger than that."
Grace Ball 51:51
I went straight for the nose too in my mind. Definitely comment on the nose. Because you know Voldemort's sensitive about the nose.
Christina Kann 51:58
Oh my gosh, I was thinking that Greco Roman statues have big strong noses.
Grace Ball 52:03
Oh, yeah. Okay, great.
Christina Kann 52:06
I do love the idea of my dear, sweet, stupid Lucius sitting down to write in a diary. He's already not even a remotely threatening character to me. In the beginning, like in Chamber of Secrets, he has the most minimal amount of sway on like the Board of Governors for the school or whatever. But he pretty much goes MIA for the next two books and then comes back as Voldemort's number one coffee bitch. You know, like Lucius Malfoy is the intern who never got promoted.
Grace Ball 52:37
Yes, he's giving me like Bo Burnham's Unpaid Intern. You know?
Christina Kann 52:43
Yeah, so he's already not very threatening to me, but just picturing him writing in the diary does make it better.
Grace Ball 52:51
Wait, is it Lucius or is it Voldemort writing in the diary?
Mary-Peyton Crook 52:55
Oh, the intimidation, that was Voldemort.
Christina Kann 52:58
Oh, well, you know what? I'm just like using these questions like Play Doh to mold my own.
Grace Ball 53:02
No, it's good. I like it. I just want to make sure we're answering the questions. You know what I mean?
Mary-Peyton Crook 53:10
We were talking about TV spin offs. I would love to see a Big Brother-type show but with all the kids in the dorms, and they'd have a confession camera.
Christina Kann 53:20
Ooh, that's good.
Grace Ball 53:22
I like that.
Mary-Peyton Crook 53:24
I'd like that.
Brooke Matherly 53:25
I would like to have a spin off series of like young McGonagall and younger Dumbledore having adventures together. Also because -- I believe this was included in Pottermore material later -- but at some point McGonagall was married and living in Hogsmeade and commuted into Hogwarts.
Christina Kann 53:45
Brooke Matherly 53:46
And so, I want to see all of that. I want to know how she got all this experience. Like, I want to know what she was like when she was young, wild, and free.
Christina Kann 53:55
Oh my god. Have you all seen the movie The House with a Clock in Its Walls?
Mary-Peyton Crook 53:59
Christina Kann 54:00
Okay, well, there's a very adorable, deeply platonic adult friendship -- adult wizard friendship -- in that movie that I think is actually probably like straight up a younger McGonagall and Dumbledore were like. Just constantly dissing each other in the most intelligent, mutual, loving way.
Mary-Peyton Crook 54:22
Yeah, and they get really snippy with each other and they know each other's flaws. Teah, that would be beautiful.
Christina Kann 54:29
Yeah, great team. You love to see it.
Grace Ball 54:31
Okay, other end of the spectrum. Hear me out: Love Island.
Mary-Peyton Crook 54:40
With like the faculty?
Grace Ball 54:43
It would have to be, right?
Christina Kann 54:44
Brooke Matherly 54:46
I would honestly love to see a Love Island concept with the obscure Order adults. You know what I mean? Get like, you know, Bill and Charlie up in that bitch. Yeah, you know I mean, toss Moody in there. See how that goes.
Christina Kann 55:02
I'm really excited to hang out with Bill and Charlie in this book.
Grace Ball 55:06
Yeah me too.
Christina Kann 55:07
Grace Ball 55:08
Christina Kann 55:09
*sensually* at LENGTH.
Mary-Peyton Crook 55:12
Whatever length that may be.
Brooke Matherly 55:14
I'm more of a girth girl.
Christina Kann 55:17
Brooke, that's not the first time you've said that to me this week. Why were we talking about that already this week?
Brooke Matherly 55:21
Because I like a girthy dick.
Christina Kann 55:25
A couple other questions. These are ones that I wrote. Just three. Who has been your favorite character so far in the trilogy based on their behavior in the first three books?
Grace Ball 55:39
It's gotta be Harry Potter. No. Just kidding. Just kidding.
Christina Kann 55:43
For me, I think it's maybe McGonagall. She's strong. I have so many questions. Like, I just love her spirit. Whenever I see her, I'm like, Good, okay, we're safe now.
Grace Ball 55:56
Yeah, I mean, it's hard for me to only consider the first three books. So I was gonna say Molly Weasley, but--
Christina Kann 56:04
She's kind of just a nag in the first three books.
Grace Ball 56:06
Yeah, that's not great. But I feel like she has some good moments in this book.
Christina Kann 56:13
God, there's just so much stuff that happens in this book.
Grace Ball 56:15
I know, I'm so excited.
Mary-Peyton Crook 56:19
I think I like Ron a lot, if it was just based on the first three books. I mean, I still love Ron a lot, but I feel like he'd probably be my favorite because he's just, he's funny, and he's such a great friend through all of it.
Christina Kann 56:32
Brooke Matherly 56:34
I would also say Ron, I don't know. He's got like, a whole personality in the books, you know?
Grace Ball 56:41
Yeah. It's surprising.
Brooke Matherly 56:43
He's funny, and he's charming. And he's like, he's not great at school, but he's not not a smart guy. You know what I mean?
Christina Kann 56:50
I'd give him a chance.
Brooke Matherly 56:52
I was like, hardcore team Ron, in terms of being a young girl and being like, "If I could date any of these boys -- if I could snog -- it would have been Ron."
Grace Ball 57:05
Yeah, me too.
Christina Kann 57:06
I really don't remember having crushes on either of them. Which feels so weird to me because I was not not a horny preteen -- like I definitely was -- but I don't know if they were just like unsexy to me and I was into other hotter stuff like Twilight, etcetera.
Grace Ball 57:23
Not hot enough!
Brooke Matherly 57:26
Imagine getting that note from your publisher. "I don't know if this book is hot enough."
Christina Kann 57:34
It's for children?
Mary-Peyton Crook 57:36
It's about children?
Grace Ball 57:38
No, no, I hear you. But the note stands.
Brooke Matherly 57:41
You've already got them making out; I just feel like maybe go further with that.
Christina Kann 57:47
I like those answers. I knowmy first choice was the most serious character in the entire first three books. But my second choice is Fred and George because they carry like 90% of the comedic writing in the first three books. Other people get funny. Harry Potter gets much funnier, like the narration. I think that's partially Harry Potter becoming more informed, becoming an adult. But I think it's also partially Rowldemort becoming like a more competent writer who is more stylized and more secure in their voice. So what has been different for you on this read of the first three books that is different from previous reads?
Brooke Matherly 58:27
Well, I remember them now. So that's nice.
Christina Kann 58:30
Brooke Matherly 58:31
Because, you know, again, I think I've said it before, this was my first time rereading the books since ever, since I originally read them.
Christina Kann 58:39
Yeah. So this is your first time reading them with any kind of critical training, any kind of literary background, and your whole adult brain.
Brooke Matherly 58:48
Yeah. And like, surprisingly, my whole adult brain developed okay. And it's been interesting. I was really shocked by the amount of like raw child abuse that goes on in these books.
Grace Ball 59:01
Christina Kann 59:01
Yeah, that doesn't get better.
Brooke Matherly 59:04
As an adult, that's shocking. I think as a kid you just don't think about it.
Christina Kann 59:10
As a kid you're like, "What if I was in an abusive household and then I got told I was a wizard and then I got to go to really dangerous school where I had to like do all these grown up fights -- like what if that happened to me and there was no one else who could do it? It was just me?"
Brooke Matherly 59:24
But the actual undertone of that is always, What if you're normal? But you're not normal; you're special. And as a kid, you're like, "I am special." And as an adult, you're like, "No one's fucking special. You're not special. Gandhi is not special. The Queen of fucking England isn't special. Go sit the fuck down."
Grace Ball 59:40
Brooke Matherly 59:41
But also don't hurt people needlessly.
Christina Kann 59:43
Grace Ball 59:45
Yeah, I mean, definitely. Wow. never read them so slowly.
Christina Kann 59:51
That's for damn sure.
Grace Ball 59:53
--as we have on the on the cast.
Christina Kann 59:56
It's good for you. It's good to pace yourself.
Grace Ball 59:59
No, it is good.
Christina Kann 1:00:00
It's like how when I have Goldfish cracker snacks, I eat them with chopsticks so that I can only eat them one at a time. It's like a built in pacing mechanism.
Grace Ball 1:00:09
That's how I eat Hot Cheetos. But that's mostly because of the red dye.
Christina Kann 1:00:14
Yes. Oh my gosh, my plug for this week is please use chopsticks to eat almost all snacks.
Grace Ball 1:00:18
Yeah, it's really good. It's a good call. I endorse that.
Christina Kann 1:00:23
Um, okay, great.
Grace Ball 1:00:24
I guess that was the end of what I was gonna say.
Christina Kann 1:00:26
I guess none of us have ever read it for the purpose of a podcast. That's something we have in common.
Grace Ball 1:00:31
I've never thought about it as much as I have.
Christina Kann 1:00:34
I've barely even thought about it. I've mentioned this before that the first time I read them, I was eight. And as an adult, all of the 15 times I've read them since then, every single one of those rereads was informed by my first interpretation of them.
Grace Ball 1:00:51
Exactly, and I'm like "That's how it is."
Christina Kann 1:00:53
Yes. So like rereading them this time has just absolutely blasted my brain open in the Harry Potter universe. And I'm so grateful.
Grace Ball 1:01:00
Plus, with everybody else's perspectives on the podcast, I'm just like, "Damn, I got some smart friends, by the way. That's pretty cool."
Christina Kann 1:01:07
Yes. And now, I'm like fully convinced that Snape was in love with James, you know? Everything is different now. Mary-Peyton, what about you?
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:01:19
Probably analyzing the rules of the world outside of the storyline. You know, reading, like, I'm sure I analyzed it a lot the million times that I read it before this podcast, and I know I did. But analyzing at that level was just like, "Why does that work here? Like, how does that work again?" But with the podcast, we just go on these tangents of talking about: Okay, what does that mean for the rest of the wizarding world? Like we were talking about the drugs of the wizarding world. You know, I don't think I've ever thought about that before.
Brooke Matherly 1:01:56
I will say that this podcast has caused Harry Potter to infect my entire life in terms of moving through the world. I think about Harry Potter more than I've ever thought about Harry Potter in my life, I relate it to just about everything. It's really good in a business setting; you're really helping me with my job.
Christina Kann 1:02:19
I do relate to that deeply. I'm the Harry Potter friend. Everyone mentions it to me always. When there's a really good TikTok, I get it sent to me like seven or eight times. That being said, if you see something funny, and you want to send it to me, please continue to do so because a lot of my friends send me really hilarious stuff. And I use it for this podcast's social media accounts. So I am grateful. Last question of the session. And I do apologize that we didn't get the opportunity to visit every question. We got a lot of really awesome questions from all of our devoted listeners. And we love you a lot. And we're so grateful that you took the time to kind of engage with us today. So if we didn't read your question, it's because of time. So now it's time for the last question. Who is a character that, just in this past rereading of these first three books, who is a character that you've totally changed opinions on?
Brooke Matherly 1:03:14
Honestly, Petunia. Which is maybe a weird thing, but I had never really thought of her in any other way than like, you know, a bitchy, awful woman. And really digging into her psychology, as we have done now three times in our very first chapters of each book, and really thinking about what probably caused this, what brought this on -- and also the realization that she did actually have to raise baby Harry. Babies take a lot of work, and she did that.
Christina Kann 1:03:44
Brooke Matherly 1:03:45
All of those kind of things compounding together. I don't know that I necessarily have like a different opinion of her in terms of like -- I still think she's a bad person. But like really digging into what we think might be making her tick has completely changed the way I view her actions. I find her to be somewhat more forgivable now.
Christina Kann 1:04:12
Hmm. I definitely agree that an adult perspective on Petunia gives you more sympathy for her.
Grace Ball 1:04:17
I think for me, it's Hagrid. And Brooke, you may have had some influence on that.
Brooke Matherly 1:04:24
I fucking ruined Hagrid for you, didn't I? So sorry.
Grace Ball 1:04:28
No, that's okay. You know, when you're a kid, you don't notice all of the things that Hagrid is doing. And you're not asking yourself, why is Hagrid doing that? But I did. I asked myself that this time. And Hagrid did not come out too great. That's okay.
Christina Kann 1:04:45
Well, that's the thing. When you become an adult, you have to start asking yourself, Is this an appropriate way for an adult to behave? Because up until you're like 14 maybe, you can kind of act however you want. It's like "Ah, she's just tired, she's just hungry, you know?"
Grace Ball 1:05:00
I just need to drink some more water.
Christina Kann 1:05:05
Yeah. "Wait, I know this. This is inappropriate adult behavior for sure. You can't trick me."
Grace Ball 1:05:09
Yeah, so sorry, man.
Christina Kann 1:05:13
I was also gonna say Hagrid, but here's a hot take. Here's my character that I've totally changed opinions on, kind of: Dobby.
Grace Ball 1:05:26
Christina Kann 1:05:27
I don't like him.
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:05:29
How fucking dare you.
Christina Kann 1:05:30
And I think that I've never liked him and this is the first time I've ever permitted myself to not like him. I find him deeply meddling and obnoxious, and I feel like he's just there for sympathy. That's like all he has, like, look at this poor pathetic creature. He's such a caricature of a character, and I don't like him. I think that his role in the story should have been done well or not at all. And I don't think it was done well
Brooke Matherly 1:06:07
He could have been more of a Winky character and it might have worked better.
Christina Kann 1:06:14
Winky is rough dude.
Brooke Matherly 1:06:15
No, but like...
Christina Kann 1:06:17
Let's revisit that after the reread.
Brooke Matherly 1:06:18
I get that. I'm not saying like full Winky, but like, you know, he could show any amount of actual stress at what he's endured instead of just being like, "LOL I ironed my knuckles! Anyhow, you can't go to school. Kay bye!"
Christina Kann 1:06:35
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:06:36
Yeah, it's a little nuts.
Christina Kann 1:06:39
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:06:41
Can I say JK Rowling?
Christina Kann 1:06:43
Oh, round of applause.
Grace Ball 1:06:46
Yeah, you win.
Christina Kann 1:06:48
Okay, you win, and that's a good place to end this podcast frankly. I think we've all judge opinions on that woman.
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:06:57
Christina Kann 1:06:59
I probably wouldn't start this podcast now. You know? But I'm glad that we have it. And I'm glad that we get to be part of the other narrative. You know, I'm glad that we get to contribute to creating a safe space where people who love Harry Potter but are upset by that. But we're not going to harp on that too long because this is like a pump up episode, this is a pregame. This is the mailbag episode. I've called it a million different things. One thing's for sure. The very first episode that we record after a Goblet of Fire is called Group Therapy.
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:07:34
Christina Kann 1:07:37
You're gonna need it! Um, in conclusion, before we move on to plugs, I would like to just one more time encourage everyone to sign up for our Patreon. For as little as $1 a month, you can be part of our online community on the Discord, where we have a lot of really awesome conversations all the time. There's a lot of really excellent people there. For the $5 tier, you can get monthly bonus episodes, and September's bonus episode is going to cover My Immortal, the mysterious and legendary Harry Potter fanfiction. I can't emphasize how much you don't want to miss that, so please check us out. The link is in the show notes. So now it's time to move on to plugs. Brooke, where can people find you on the internet?
Brooke Matherly 1:08:19
You can follow me on Instagram @passionforparks. You can find me on Twitter @grumpybrooke. And this week, I am going to plug a book that I read recently and absolutely loved. It is called The Henna Artist. It is by Alka Joshi. It is an awesome female-forward book that's set in post-colonial India. And it's just a really delightful read. It has some twists and turns. It's really just a woman trying to make it on her own in a society that doesn't want her to, and it's it's just amazingly entertaining. I highly recommend it.
Christina Kann 1:08:59
Awesome. Thank you so much. Mary-Peyton, what about you? Where can people find you on the internet?
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:09:04
You can find me on Instagram @richmondreads or @crookmp, and you can find me on Twitter @crookmp, although I don't do much on there, mostly just retweet on that one.
Christina Kann 1:09:14
You show up once a month and like everything I've posted.
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:09:17
Yeah, just go down the list just liking.
Christina Kann 1:09:21
She's very supportive.
Mary-Peyton Crook 1:09:22
Hey, I do it genuinely. I'm not just liking it. I like it, okay. But yeah, you can find me there. And then I'm going to plug something that I've been plugging in my regular life to everyone I've seen, so sorry to you guys, but The Haunting of Bly Manor, the show on Netflix, which is so freakin good. I did not watch The Haunting of Hill House, which everyone said was so good, because I do not like scary stuff. So I just avoided it. And my little sister convinced me to watch The Haunting of Bly Manor, and of course it's scary. It's got the word "haunting" in the title, obviously. Man, it was so freakin beautiful. And I'm someone who thinks way too much about dark stuff. So, you know, middle of the season, I was kind of really feeling it. But it's so well done. It's really more of a love story. I could not recommend it more.
Christina Kann 1:10:24
Thank you so much for that. Grace, what about you? What have you been doing lately? What do you have to recommend today?
Grace Ball 1:10:29
Um, today I'm going to recommend a podcast called Noble Blood.
Christina Kann 1:10:36
Wait wait, did you just start listening to that?
Grace Ball 1:10:39
I've been listening to it for a little while.
Christina Kann 1:10:41
Oh my god. I just started listening to that podcast in the past couple weeks.
Grace Ball 1:10:43
Really? Well, great choice. It's really good. It's hosted by Dana Schwartz. And basically she just kind of goes through stories of some messy royals, man. It's crazy.
Christina Kann 1:10:55
It is crazy.
Grace Ball 1:10:56
Just like so much murder.
Christina Kann 1:10:58
Yeah, when people were like "George RR Martin, why did you write these fucked up books?" and he's like, "Joke's on you. It's based on history." This is the show where you're like, "Oh, my God, he was completely right."
Grace Ball 1:11:09
Yeah, it's very good. I definitely recommend just like starting from the top and just binging it, because it's awesome.
Christina Kann 1:11:17
Hell yeah. Thank you so much. And obviously I second that plug. So I've been your host, Christina. You can follow me on Instagram @christinathekann. You can follow me on Twitter @christina_kann. You can follow me on TikTok @sproutsprivatestash. And this week I'm going to plug the book Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. It's a retelling of, you know, the Ariadne story from Greek mythology, which involves the Minotaur in the labyrinth and Daedalus and Icarus and Theseus and Dionysus, they all end in sus. Weird. That's pretty sus. It's a very lovely retelling, a more contemporary retelling, of an old Greek myth, and we actually are reading it for our August Movie Night Crew Book Club, which we're doing over on the Discord. It's been really exciting to be able to talk to people as we're reading it. Yeah, I recommend Ariadne by Jennifer Saint. Well, that's the end of it. Thank you so much, ladies for coming on and chatting with me about the Goblet of Fire and about all that we've read so far and fielding some questions from our beloved listeners.
Brooke Matherly 1:12:33
Here we go again.
Grace Ball 1:12:35
Christina Kann 1:12:36
Yeah, here we go again. Get ready, because it's um, I mean, this is the grown up ride now.
Brooke Matherly 1:12:41
This is that roller coaster that goes forwards and backwards.
Christina Kann 1:12:45
Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be on this one. I don't want to. You gotta; I'm sorry. From here on out, all the books end in MURDER. Alright, gang, I gotta go finish reading "Cool Haircuts for Wizard Daddies" before this book tries to shank me. Goodbye.
Brooke Matherly 1:15:32
I like can't -- I cannot chill if I cannot see that my Audacity is currently recording.